IN THIS EDITION:   Think men and women can’t possibly figure each other out?  It’s time to start thinking differently…and the shift is a crucial one to make if you want to experience a wildly successful dating life…

 

 

TODAY IS THE SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST NEWSLETTER:  

 

Has it been that long?  Little did I know on December 5, 2007 what my life would be like just a short two years later.  I was a manager in the IT world who was staying out WAY too late on work nights…and “X & Y Communications” was originally supposed to have been a tech consulting firm. 

 

So, a big THANK YOU is in order to each and every one of you…the readers.  Believe it or not, that first newsletter went out to 14 people…most of whom are still on the list.  Today, of course, that number is rapidly approaching ten thousand.

 

Six months later Deserve What You Want was released and it has been a wild ride from there...  That first newsletter became part of the book, found on p. 169.  If you haven’t read DWYW, there’s no better place to start when it comes to improving your success with members of the opposite sex (MOTOS).   Use “2year50” as your coupon and I’ll give it to you for 50% off today only (until midnight CST—GMT –6).

 

Guys go here:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/men

 

Ladies, here (and YES…this is new):

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women

 

Now on to this week’s newsletter…

 

 

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THE SECRET TO UNDERSTANDING MOTOS

 

 

It has been eight months or so since that fateful springtime morning when I opened my inbox to find a “nice” message from a young woman somewhere in Canada.  The missive was a simple one, reading:  “You understand women better than most women do.  It’s like you are ‘The Chick Whisperer’, or something.”  

 

Obviously, that particularly catchy phrase soon became the name of the podcast for men that we already had in the planning stages.

 

But is this really some sort of special or even downright ‘supernatural’ gift that I have?  Nah…understanding MOTOS is really not as hard as it’s cracked up to be.

 

In fact, the simple notion that most of us BELIEVE it is next to impossible to really get inside the head of MOTOS and figure out what is going on is probably—and disarmingly—the most basic reason why we don’t even bother to try.

 

Yet, the fact remains.  In all seriousness, there really is no more foolproof a way to rocket your success into the stratosphere when it comes to dating, attraction and seduction than to understand the opposite sex.

 

Put in plain English, if you want to “get dates” you have to “GET” your dates. 

 

So where do we start?

 

The baseline is as follows:  Contrary to the message conveyed by the titles of books like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, we as men and women are actually more ALIKE than different. 

 

In fact, I’ll be so bold as to say this.  When it comes to EMOTIONS, I believe men and women feel things very similarly.  Cut us and we all bleed red.  When something exciting happens, we’re all excited.  When someone cuts us off in traffic, men and women both feel frustrated and slightly violated. 

 

Similarly, I think we all have largely similar needs and want similar results in life.  Maslow didn’t have “his and her” hierarchies, now did he?  We all breath the same air, drink the same water, and would like to get the creditors to stop calling and the boss to start promoting. 

 

But you’d think that the opposite sex wasn’t even classifiable as “human” the way we are trained to think about them.  Lots of guys think if you follow a certain formula (which, perhaps ironically, is typically devised ‘in house’ at Men, Inc.) then we’ll “get what we want” from women.

 

Meanwhile, at Women, Inc. all you do is follow “The Rules” and men become your willing automatons.

 

Most of this brand of scheming is born of the notion that we as men and women are essentially powerless when it comes to truly understanding MOTOS.  The natural flow from this mindset is respectively assuming that we are somewhere higher on the food chain than the opposite gender.  Therefore we become twisted into believing that they’ll somehow fall for our tactics.

 

But the problem is I wasn’t kidding earlier.  We’re ALL human…and more ALIKE than DIFFERENT.  And whoever your MOTOS are, you aren’t going to “get what you want off of them” until you DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT…as a human being.

 

To demonstrate this, here’s another piece of the “puzzle”. 

 

Much of what we perceive as “differences” between men and women are ACTUALLY 100% purely driven by social dynamics.  That’s psycho-babble = for “we all buy into the pressures of the culture we live in”.

 

For example, men think women don’t like sex.  Wrong.  Women like sex as much if not more than men do.  The “difference” is that women are stigmatized as “sluts” if they demonstrate that, whereas men are pretty much heroes to their peers if they “get laid” a lot.

 

Similarly, (and this is my personal favorite example) most guys freely suppose that “women are the choosers” and “men are the chasers”, implying that women have all the power.  Not true.  She OR he who has the highest quality options when it comes to dating/procreating/etc. is the one who calls the shots. 

 

Soon you guys on Virtuosity will be introduced to two guys I’ve just met who literally have so many options with women that they hold parties inviting 20 or so women from MySpace to their place all at once—none of whom they’ve met yet.  Why?  Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to evaluate the dating potential of that many women separately…it has to be a “bulk assessment”.   

 

Tell me…what did that last example do for your vision of the stereotypical “hottie” at a bar rejecting guy after guy after guy who tries to approach her? 

 

But surely there are indeed REAL differences between men and women, right?  Of course…but the point here is to first build the foundation that the similarities between genders FAR outweigh the differences.  She doesn’t want to be “used” for sex any more than he wants to be “used” for his money.  Yet, we have to respect that women want a “provider” and men want a woman who is physically attractive.  And this is all perfectly reasonable—MOTOS aren’t “shallow” for having their preferences in that regard.  The differences between genders, you see, tend to base themselves on differences in reproductive roles and/or archetypal gender roles. 

 

Shockingly, the differences themselves are even less complex than most of us imagine.  Have you ever noticed that both men and women like to believe that their OWN respective gender is “easy to figure out”?  Well, that’s because it’s…um…true.

 

Really it comes down to this…women want to feel secure and want a man to LEAD.  When you ask a woman what’s wrong and she says “Nothing”, you KNOW as a man that it’s SOMETHING.  In her mind, it’s your job to figure it out without her having to take your hand and spell it out for you…that’s all there is to it.  You must LEAD, and then you must be able to hold her and tell her it’s all going to be okay—and she has to be able to believe you.  You must PROVIDE in every way—not just materially but emotionally as well.

 

And us guys?  We want APPROVAL from women (without asking for it, which you see as weakness anyway).  We want you to think we’re great.  We want to be your “heroes” as much as you want us to be.  Oh…and we also don’t want you to humiliate us.  Oh, and you really do need to be physically attractive to us—which, fortunately, is more subjective a concept to us than you think.  That’s all.

 

Emily and I go into much, much more detail regarding all of this on the newest X & Y On The Fly:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyothefly

 

And the next The Chick Whisperer show, appropriately enough, will be on “understanding women”.  Zan Perrion will sit in for that one with me.  Recording is set for this afternoon.

 

Be Good,

Scot

 

 

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CONFERENCE CALL WITH CARLOS XUMA AND I TOMORROW NIGHT:  As mentioned last time, CX and I are running a teleconference call on how to succeed with women this holiday season.  I’ve read some of the questions, and they’re REALLY good ones.  Don’t miss it.  There are only 200 lines and it costs NOTHING, so get there early and make your first “New Year’s Resolution” to stop shaking hands with your buddies on New Year’s Eve.   Next Thursday 12/6 @ 6p Pacific / 9p Eastern is the time, and here’s the place to get the details:

http://www.instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945

 

 

 

NEW VIDEO BLOGS:   Another new video blog entry called “Quality Begets Options” is live at 

http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog

There’s more BRAND NEW content there also, and more to come in the very near future.  Subscribe so you don’t miss a thing:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/edumckaytion

 

 

 

NEW UPDATES TO VIRTUOSITY AND YES… TO ONLINE DATING DOMINATION ALSO:  I just added two new programs to VIRTUOSITY, and will be adding SEVEN MORE in the next couple weeks.  Among the planned additions are programs which will power you up with real, practical secrets to mastering speed dating and MySpace (which you were asking for).  And YES…both of the aforementioned goodies will also be a part of the standalone version of ONLINE DATING DOMINATION.  And NO…the price is NOT going up.

 

Online Dating Domination:

http://www.onlinedatingdomination.com

 

VIRTUOSITY:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity

(BTW, Get a BONUS EPISODE of TCW while you are there)

 

 

 

POINT-AND-CLICK CHRISTMAS SHOPPING + TRIALPAY.COM = FREE STUFF FROM X & Y COMMUNICATIONS:  A number of you have already used this and feedback has been great.  Do your normal Christmas shopping from places you buy from anyway and I’ll give you FREE stuff.  Choose from any of the three e-books, Secrets To Success With Women For Shorter Men or The Engineer’s Guide To Being Cooler Than The Salesguy.  The last time I checked, there were 101 different ways to get something for free while pointing/clicking your way through holiday shopping including several wine sampling packages, a $50 purchase at The Gap (and get $27 worth from me free…are you kidding me?), and—get this—simply signing up for Ebay for the first time and buying *anything*.  Jump from here:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com

 

If the “Being Cooler” program is what you’re after, you’ll need this:

http://www.beingcooler.com

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING PROFILE RATING IS NOW OFFICIALLY TEAMED UP WITH MATCH.COM:  …And Show #20 is on the loose:

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=213484722

 

…and it’s also time you tried Match.com yourself, isn’t it?  Stop putting it off.  We’ve got a killer deal for you here:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/match

 

 

 

X & Y ON THE FLY #34 IS NOW AVAILABLE:  True to our usual form, the latest episode goes into today’s newsletter topic in greater depth (MUCH greater, that is).  “How To Understand The Opposite Sex” is what we were crazy enough to actually name this thing.  Emily and I unleashed stuff you won’t believe.  Brace yourself for more flat-out common sense regarding understanding the opposite gender than you’ve seen in a LONG, LONG time.  Get subscribed on iTunes so you don’t miss out:

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=162722277

And write us a review sometime, okay?  We love reading them.

 

AND…here’s a BONUS episode just for newsletter subscribers on our home birth experience.  See?  We’ve got your back:

http://www.xandycommunications.net/podcasts/episodebonus454.mp3

 

 

 

AND YES…EPISODE 16 OF THE CHICK WHISPERER IS NEXT ON THE LIST:  None other than Zan Perrion (www.deservewhatyouwant.com/zan)

…and I will hash out “natural game” for “non-naturals”.  I was all over this discussion, and I’m sure you will be also.  The voice mail we address is a particularly…um…unique one also.  Subscribe now on iTunes so you are the first to know when it comes out in a day or two:

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=218155493

 

 

EMILY’S “KEYS TO BLISS” NEWSLETTER:  Yes, many of you STILL sign up every single time I mention this.  Drop a blank e-mail to emily@aweber.com .  No subject or text is necessary.  Joining will not affect your membership to this newsletter.  

 

 

 

Did a friend forward you this message?  To receive this free newsletter on 21^st century dating issues from X & Y Communications on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download “Get What You Deserve” for free.  Or, just email xandy@aweber.com.  Easy stuff.

 

Questions?  Ideas?  Comments?  Send to questions@xandycommunications.net.  Your feedback is welcome.  If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter to others.  That’s how we build our audience.

 

 

X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.