IN THIS EDITION: How about we completely re-arrange some
established “pickup” advice? And while
we’re at it, let’s re-arrange some “mainstream” dating advice too. Plus, “Kudos From Albania”…
HERE YOU GO…A SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE FOR US GUYS WHO WANT TO
GET BETTER WITH WOMEN:
I
just found out about a new social networking site specifically designed for men who are on the path of self-improvement
with women and life. It’s called
PUAconnect.com, and despite the URL I’ve spoken at length with the guys over
there and their commitment truly is to achieving greatness with great
women. Right on…I’m IN!
And so should you be. In fact, consider this my personal invitation to join. And yes, it’s not gonna cost you a
dime.
http://www.puaconnect.com
This is a place where you can connect, share, learn,
and meet with friends from all over the world.
You can whip up your profile, find local wingmen, interact with existing
members, write blogs, upload video and photos of your adventures, create and
join groups and all sorts of other stuff.
I found PUA Connect to be a sophisticated yet easy
to use social networking interface…and its focus makes it unique.
Another thing, the interface is a powerful one. For instance, you can make your profile open
to the public, viewable only to your friends, viewable only to a unique group,
or make it completely private. You can also change any of these settings
anytime. Plus you can upload pics,
start a blog and essentially all the other features you’ve come to expect from
a major social networking site.
PUA Connect is growing in popularity very
quickly. There’s already over 500
members. The interface is very
intuitive and you will find it easy to navigate and interact within the
site. Sign up for an account and start
connecting and making new friends like never before.
Oh yes, be sure to add me as a friend…and tell ‘em
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http://www.puaconnect.com
And now, on to your questions and
comments…
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
=====
WHEN
YOU FIND A GREAT WOMEN YOU LIKE MORE THAN ALL OTHERS AND WHO LIKES YOU BACK, DO
WHAT ANY SELF-RESPECTING PUA WOULD DO:
BREAK UP WITH HER (?!)
Hi Scot,
First like to say, really enjoying the products. I don't buy online without
strict circumspection and this has paid off. I've been listening to the
"pick up" sort of info for months now. I started with [withheld]. His
stuff was useful because it helped me put me first if you know what I mean. The
only thing is that I think he's got a serious chip on his shoulder. In any
case, I arrived at you and find that your perspective is closer to what I
believe, or would like to believe.
Anyway I've got a question.
I'm currently "casually" seeing a girl from home. I go to college in
a different place to her so I only really see her at the weekends. Although we
are not exclusive, since I've been with her I find that I'm not really
interested in any other girls. There are a few problems with this because I
know the wisdom in not putting my eggs all in one basket. I am wondering what to do because I am also
finding my confidence reduced and my insecurity about this situation
increased--although I know enough not to act needy or anything like that,
even if I'm feeling it. I think from her end, she probably thinks that
everything is fine and it’s just fine and casual. But do you think I should end
this relationship if it’s causing internal (and imagined) distress even if I
like her and she likes me? It’s probably not far off "one-itis"
(shudder LOL) but the thing is she likes me too.
If I am to end it I would want to do so in as masculine a way as possible, if
that is possible. How would that even be done? There can be no reason to end a
decidedly good situation except for me wussing out! That throws masculine out the window LOL.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice you'd have.
Cheers,
Gordon (Belfast, Northern Ireland)
OK, thanks for bringing up a great topic,
Gordon.
Here we arrive at an issue I see A LOT
based on "seduction community" teaching. Unfortunately, the
objectively basic "paint by numbers" approach of teaching beginners
how not to screw up with women leaves very little grey area (as does
"paint by numbers" in real life, I suppose).
As such, the teaching includes such pearls
of wisdom as "avoid one-itis", "don't give your power away to
women", and/or as you mentioned "don't put your eggs in one
basket".
All of this is nice entry-level advice if
you are a supplicative wussy-boy who tends to fall in "love" with
anyone female who actually likes him and can fog a mirror.
The problem arises when we take this kind
of teaching in too generalistic a sense. What happens then? A
guy like your or me meets a woman we like very much--much more than the
others we've dated. And she likes us back...a lot. So we BREAK UP
WITH HER?
This is the part where
somebody scratches the needle across the record while the music's
playing...bringing it all to an abrupt stop with a "WHAAAT?"
If she lives where home is for you,
and you see her every weekend, I'm hard pressed to call this a
long-distance relationship, so I think you should be GLAD you've found a woman
you can potentially keep around long-term. And she apparently
likes you back. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. In fact, this is what
most guys DREAM OF.
I mean, going to college and
experiencing the feeling that the only woman you really want is the one
YOU HAVE? That's about as good as it gets, and ALMOST NO GUYS ever
get to have that in their lives.
Why am I so sure about what I'm
saying? Many years ago I was in your situation almost exactly.
Instead of manning up, I BROKE UP WITH HER because my own weakness/jealousy
pissed me off. Not only did some other guy snag her up literally THE DAY
AFTER we broke up, he married her. And last I checked in the
"alumni news" section she was still married to him with three
kids. That was a great woman…and I screwed up. So when I met Emily two years ago, you can bet I didn't make the
same mistake. I let all the other women in my life go—BY CHOICE--and have
not looked back. After all, I dated
enough to know what I wanted. And when
she showed up, I didn’t have room in my schedule for the other women I had been
dating.
This is all about HAVING 100% CONTROL over
your dating life and having the FREEDOM to make the decisions YOU WANT TO
MAKE…when and only when the TIME IS RIGHT by your own standards.
Quote:
"There can be no reason to end a decidedly good situation except for me
wussing out!"
So thereby you have my support for an
answer you've already provided to your own question. You don't sound like
a man who is weak. You sound like a man who is hypersensitive about
LOOKING weak. Fair enough. Why not LEAD as a man, then, and go make
sure you deserve what you want from your relationship with this woman and make
it happen. If it doesn’t work out, you
at least exercised an option that was yours.
And my guess is that you’ll be strong enough a relationship manager to
continue making long-term decisions from a position of strength even if it’s
within the context of a long-term exclusive relationship. If in doubt, what will help you remove any
shadow of it is this:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity
Be Good,
Scot
=====
YET
ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO RE-FRAME THE “RULES OF SEDUCTION”…
Hey
Scot, On Sunday I called a woman I met on the train. I was wanting to set something up, so I asked her if she was free
on Tuesday night (I probably should have just asked her out on Tuesday night
and gave her the first right of refusal) anyway she didn’t know when she was
free this week so she said she would call me. She didn’t seem like she didn’t
want to see me though.
Anyway
she didn’t call, so I called her yesterday after work, and she apologised for
not calling, she was apparently very busy. We had a nice conversation on the
phone, but it came to the point where she said she couldn’t go out this week
cause her mum is going back to china (for how long I don’t know) so her mum
wants to be with her every night this week. But she didn’t know when she is
free next week. So she said, "So how should we do this" in regards to
who should call later on. I told her that as soon as she finds out when she is
free to give me a call. (Now I know I probably should have taken the lead and
told her I would call on a certain day) I feel as I have now given my power
away on the phone... TWICE... is there any recovery from this? If later on in
the week I called her would it come off as needy as I told her to call me? How would a great man act? I was trying to
use the frame of the chooser not the chaser, but it’s really hard to have that
mind shift. Any advise would be very much appreciated.
Thanks
mate,
Darrell
(Australia)
Oh not at all...you are doing MUCH better
than you think.
Quote: “So she said, 'So how should we do this'"
That is a clear indicator of
interest. When a woman shows eagerness towards making firm plans with you
in any way, you can assume a strong likelihood that she is legitimately trying
to make it work. Contrary to some of the more "black and white"
teaching approaches out there (which is--again--admittedly what some newbies
need), some women actually DO have commitments for the next week or so and/or
REALLY CAN'T make either of your suggested times.
How you handled it was perfect. You
offered leadership by suggesting a couple of good times to meet. When she
couldn't make any of them and had no visibility, you demonstrated rather
clearly that you aren't going to keep "chasing". Simply put,
you can't get inside a woman's head, flip a switch and MAKE her decisions for
her. If she's not giving you anything to hold on to, telling her you
aren't going to keep calling her and for her to call you back when she's got
this figured out is fine.
One thing guys forget is that women
royally screw up as much in the dating world as men do. And make no
mistake, I see behavior just like hers from women all the time. Women
will call Emily having habitually related to guys the way this one is relating
to you--and wondering out loud why men "never call [them] back" and
why they “talk to lots of men but never go out on any dates”.
A big part of all this is allowing human
margin for error in women versus taking things so personally (and so SERIOUSLY).
From there we not only give ourselves a much needed break, but we become MUCH
better at measuring character in women. See how that works?
Cheers,
Scot
=====
…AND
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, WHY NOT RE-FRAME SOME “MAINSTREAM” DATING ADVICE TOO?
Hi
Scot,
I'm
real interested to hear your take on this.
I
am a 50 yr. old man, who has been out of the dating scene for a while. I am
ready to get back in, but I have been suffering from some thyroid issues that
make me extremely tired at times. I have always been a robust guy, been active
and athletic. I am otherwise in great shape for my age. What I am concerned
about is I want a woman who is active, but until I get my health challenge
handled, I probably wont be able to keep up with that kind of woman.
Should
I wait until my health turns around before dating so that I can deserve what I
want? Or should I go ahead and date now and mention my situation only to women
who I date more than a couple of times?
This
is a bummer because there are times when even a low-key date like dinner and
walking around a mall can wear me out.
All
the Best,
Milo (Glendale, California)
Hello Milo:
Often times, you’ll find mainstream dating advice that admonishes
you to pretty much “wait out” all of your excuses before pronouncing yourself
“ready” to date again.
Well, the very last thing you want to do is wait until conditions are "perfect" before dating again. The obvious reason for this is that there will ALWAYS be some sort of limiting belief you’ll be able to come up with. But the more subtle reason is that sometimes what we think are major issues aren't so much to women.
I clearly remember telling myself shortly after my divorce that I
needed to lose 30 pounds before I could expect to date. It took a few
months to do that, and I indeed didn't date during that time.
Women indeed enjoyed my company when I did start dating, so I initially felt
pretty good about having waited. But
the crazy thing is that I ended up gaining the weight back (no thanks to
focusing on my social life rather than going to the gym, which is another
newsletter altogether)...and I didn't see any less interest from women.
If anything, there was MORE interest--probably because of what had been
happening in the self-development/”inner game” realm.
So yes...get back out there and meet some women. When you choose to tell them about your situation is dependent upon each individual scenario, I'd say. But I would agree that it's not first-date conversation. Nothing medical is.
Be Good,
Scot
=====
THE
KIND OF SUCCESS STORY WE’RE LOOKING FOR AROUND HERE
Last
Thursday was my employer’s holiday party. Everyone was there, including
coworkers and significant others thereof.
I
remembered what you said about "is there anyone else in the room you'd
rather go home with?"
My girlfriend looked absolutely AMAZING all dressed up. I caught myself gawking
at her then and there. A couple coworkers were a little more attractive than I
see on a daily basis (overall, I have fairly attractive coworkers), and a
couple guys had attractive girlfriends/wives...but my woman stood out among
that whole crowd.
The manager I'm working for right now told me how cute she was…three times.
Not only did everyone there like her, but she hit it off with the wife of the
partner who's doing my performance review.
Needless to say, this is a Good Thing.
Jeff
(Ten-Plus graduate--Boston, MA)
Yes, I definitely talk about the rush a man can feel from having the most amazing woman in the room at his side everywhere he goes. Now you know that feeling. And as you've just figured out, this goes WAY beyond looks. It’s what having a great woman in your life does for you. And the best part is that she probably feels the same way about the effect you are having on her life as a great man. It would appear that you’re both absolutely deserving what you want. I predict great things.
Great job.
I may just have to hire you as a trainer for my Boston seminars someday. No joke.
Be Good,
Scot
=====
MAKE
THAT 131 COUNTRIES…AND COUNTING
Dear
scot
sometimes
j am on my day sometimes not or so! differnt kind situation and day too!
as
far as learnd from yr lessons had to be my self.but here in albania different
culture ancient it works and states <USA> too
life is short try to livit any moment as it comes to me.good lack body
Toni (Albania)
I have nothing
useful to respond with here, other than to agree that what we talk about around
here will work wherever you are in the world.
Mostly I just wanted to prove that I got an e-mail from Albania! Thanks for your message, Toni, and welcome.
You know, I’m
growing more and more determined to get a newsletter subscriber from Antarctica
somehow. Lately I’ve been even
considering doing a geographically-targeted Google Adwords campaign until it
happens. When it does, my new tagline
will read “Readers On All Seven Continents”…LOL
Incidentally, I
hear someone out there wondering:
Albania is second on the list alphabetically. Afghanistan is in the house, and has been for some time.
Be Good,
Scot
=====
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MORE NEW VIDEO BLOGS: “So, You Want To Eliminate
Competition (Part One)” is the latest video blog, and Part Two is coming
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