IN THIS EDITION:   Still waiting for a callback five minutes from now.  Still waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend.  Still waiting for him to get over his ex-wife.  Still waiting to get through one of my “War And Peace” newsletters.  There’s a theme here for sure.

 

 

LEFTOVER “CIGARS”:  

 

Some of you get paid on the 30^th.  Or the 1^st.  Or you wanted to unload some stuff on Ebay first.  No matter what, I got all your e-mails and I’ve been there before myself.  So you’ve got it:  “CIGAR50” is STILL ON until December 1^st at midnight CST (GMT –6).   This way, nobody has to miss out.   Use “CIGAR50” on VIRTUOSITY or Online Dating Domination while the gettin’ is good.

 

VIRTUOSITY:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity

 

ONLINE DATING DOMINATION:

http://www.onlinedatingdomination.com

 

And remember, I’m convinced enough that Online Dating Domination will blow you away (thanks in large part to a ZERO PERCENT refund percentage) that I’m offering an upgrade path to VIRTUOSITY at no markup whatsoever.  This means if you use a coupon on Online Dating Domination, I’ll honor that same coupon any time in the future for your upgrade to the entire VIRTUOSITY bonanza.  As you saw last week, I’ve created a completely separate product SKU just for that purpose. 

 

By the way, would you rather get some REAL cigars outta me?  If so, be sure to check the announcements at the bottom of this e-mail…there are cool podcast announcements and a new video-blog out there too.

 

Now on to your questions and comments…

 

 

=====

 

 

READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

 

 

OREGONIAN CHICK “DUCKS” OUT OF CLASS…GO FIGURE

 

 

Hello Scot,

 

So I have a crush on this girl in my class. I've noticed her since day one and to my surprise she's been sitting right behind me. I’ve been meaning to get her number sometime but never had the chance. But I finally got the chance when I saw her on a Saturday night. Well I called her the next day to set up a date...when she picked up I introduced myself and she said I should call her back in 5 minutes which I did. However she did not pick up her phone. Two days later I called her again, even texted her but nothing happened. So I decided to wait till we had the class this last Thursday. This is where I really got confused--when the Professor was taking attendance of course I would expect to hear my name...then my crush whispered my name from behind like, "Mario so that was you, who has been calling me?  I am so sorry, sometimes I give my number to random people and I can't remember." So I kind of gave her a faint smile then nodded my head like am okay with the excuse she gave me. Up till now (when I am typing this message) I am still shocked about what she said. What also surprised me was that she left the class before the class actually ended, probably to avoid me confronting her. I like to give people benefit of the doubt until she said what she said. Frankly I thought maybe she's playing hard to get like "try harder buddy" but now am just dumbfounded not knowing what she's up to. And here is the thing, I have a genuine interest in this girl because I thought at least if I get to know her without making any pre-judgment I would know who she really is. What do you think is going on with this girl or is it me doing the wrong thing here?  I am thinking of calling her later this evening just to clear the air with her. Thanks for reading this.

 

Mario (Oregon)

 

 

 

Nope.  Don't chase her, Mario.  At all.

 

Did you not tell her your name when you got her number?  It makes no sense she'd ask you to call her back in five minutes then flake out…unless she didn’t even bother to ask you your name when you got her number.  That’s not only a clear sign that her interest in you wasn’t effectively stoked up before you went for the digits, it’s also what stereotypically leads to women answering “mystery callers” and quickly wishing they hadn’t.  That would explain the “5-Minute Factor”.

 

On the bright side, I do have to give both of you credit for the right number landing in your hands though.  Somehow that worked in your favor initially.

 

But if she was really interested in you, she'd be diving on that phone of hers every time it rang like Cosmo The Hairless Terrier dives on hot dogs flung by toddlers from the dinner table.  Think about it.  Wouldn't you if you’d met someone truly exciting the night before?

 

But all of that said, if she’s sitting behind you in class every time the prof calls roll, my educated guess is that she knows who you are.  So she got the call.  She flaked on you.  Then she toyed with you in class, and left early anyway…without further communication.

 

Face it...she's a gamer.

 

If she was so “sorry” she could have picked up the phone and RETURNED YOUR CALL sometime after she had this epiphany in class, huh?  But she hasn't.

 

Unfortunately when we get a solid case of “one-itis” we often try way too hard not to see reality when it’s staring us in the face…or, um…when it ducks out of class early.  (Feel free to consider that a bad pun if you go to U of Oregon.)

 

Repeat after me…NEXT!

 

Cheers,

 

Scot

 

 

=====

 

 

SHE HAS HER CAKE AND EATS IT TOO, BUT NO DESSERT FOR YOU

 

 

Hi Scot, well I'm just giving this a try and see how it goes,

 

I've dated some girls, not a lot like the amount you guys talk about, but enough to kind of know what I want. I'm 32 years old, consider myself a good-looking guy, funny, caring, smart, athletic, and many more attributes.  My friends tell me I'm such a waste, cause they see that I could attract a lot more women than I do, but approaches are tough for me.  Anyway I was staring to go out with a couple of girls, with no interest of dating anyone long term until I felt I got my game in order, and by a really interesting twist I took a job modeling as a favor to a friend, never done modeling before, and the money was good so I said why not?  If anything at least I'll meet some models and practice on them.  And sure there where the usual 10 types--great lookers, terrible personalities.  But then one showed up.  This one was not like the others.  She wasn't the most beautiful or better body, she looked very normal and with something that just captivated my attention like no other girl I've ever dated.  I felt very strongly about her and this was really strange for me.

 

So I asked her out, had a great time, then again and again, and as time passed I just fell in love with her.  She was everything I was looking for, like the famous “this is the one” type, but there was something weird every time we go out had a great time and at the end behave kind of defensive.  So I thought it was 'cause she works as a model, she has to be sure I was serious about her, so I told her that she could trust me, and I wasn't going to play with her.  And then she told me she was on this long distance very relationship with some other dude.  I know he's not right for her based on some stuff she told me, but she said  that she didn't want to tell me about him 'cause she was really interested in knowing me.

 

But she couldn't finish her relationship with the other guy 'cause of all the time, and bla bla bla, all this crap that she really didn't tell straight out what it was.  So I thought “no big deal”,  I'll pull the big guns and she'll see the big difference. So I did all the things I learned from DYD and your stuff and other material, and she kept going out with me, having a great time, being very comfortable with me until the end of the date or the time with spend together.  And every time I tried to kiss her or get closer she pulled away and become kind of cold.  I started to feel a little like I was in Groundhog Day, or 50 First Dates…great start, great date and really crappy finish.

 

Now any other girl I would of just said “screw this and move to the next”.  The problem with this one is I feel we are so perfect for one another for the long run so I can't get myself to blow her off.  At the same time I can't take it anymore, but her porcupine attitude (you know soft on one side and on the other...ouch) is driving me crazy, any words of wisdom and experience?

 

Sven (Sweden)

 

 

Hello Sven:

 

First of all, glad you are enjoying the material and that it has helped you.  We love hearing that.

 

Having read DYD and my materials, I'm sure you realize that you have to give the woman the "gift of missing you".  In this situation, as difficult as it sounds, you are going to need to tell this woman that you are not going to stand in the way of her relationship with her "boyfriend" any more.  Then, you seriously let go.

 

Am I crazy to tell you this?  Not at all.  Here's why.

 

Right now she gets to "have her cake and eat it too".  She gets her long-distance boyfriend PLUS someone to hang out with locally.  So you end up being the "sexless boyfriend", which is like being the "JBF" that you actually *do* want to be friends with...odd as that sounds.  You can get what you want out of this situation, but you have got to be a MAN first and tell her you will not put up with the duplicity.

 

Ironically enough, that display of leadership and strength may be exactly what she has been looking for to feel confident choosing you instead of the other guy...once and for all.  She needs to know you WANT this, but also that you will also not put up with the current situation.

 

Here's one final thought.  Who would you REALLY rather be in this situation, you or the other guy?  Believe me...he's a lot more concerned about you than you are about him. 

 

One caveat, however.  I'm also assuming that the LDR she’s in is non-exclusive by design.  Otherwise she's a cheater...run away.

 

Be Good,

 

Scot

 

 

=====

 

SWEET BEGINNINGS AFTER THE BITTER END

 

Hi Scot and Emily,

 

I heard Emily’s interview w/ Amy Waterman and was introduced then to more of your work together. I was impressed by your thoughts and have subscribed to Keys To Bliss.

 

I also really enjoyed Scot's booklet (Get What You Deserve) and plan to read it all!  But I do like the audios as a favorite media as I can listen to them while I drive or sort papers, do laundry, and the like. I too am a single mom of 3, for 10 years, now. I have a wonderful man in my life but I am not sure if he thinks of me as "just a friend, always and forever".... he too has a son, my youngest son's age (10). I am a confidante for him and I know he knows that he can depend on me and trust me and we have good chemistry between us. I also know he is a man I can count on and trust and think the world of! ...and that he needs healing time from his own bitter divorce, but will it be obvious to me if he is not interested in anything more from me and is searching in other waters?

 

Thanks, for your help and guidance,

 

Carolyn (Canada)

 

 

 

Hello Carolyn:

 

Thanks for your kind words. Welcome.

 

Regarding your man, if he is newly divorced he'll need some time, probably.  The feeling that he has is likely a strange sensation that he feels he's cheating on his wife by seeing you.  This is really weird for him, but he'll get over it.  Prepare yourself for a time or two in the early stages where his sexual performance is nonexistent...now you'll know why.  I won't discount that he's going to need even more time to be exclusive, however.  Oddly, he’ll either need A LOT of time for that or he'll need ZERO TIME for that.  It's all about the extenuating circumstances of his divorce and what his personality type is.  And NEVER assume exclusivity unless specifically discussed.

 

By the way, the audio version of Deserve What You Want is indeed coming.  It’s on the “short list” of things to get done right now.

=====

 

 

TOO MUCH CONTENT?

 

 

Dear Scot,

    

How and why do you write such long e-mails?  Also, do you think that people read all the material in them?

 

Bruce (CA)

 

 

 

 

OK, Bruce.  That’s a fair question.  So here’s a fair answer:

 

How:  With all my heart.

 

Why:  Because I'm passionate and very prolific.

 

Do I think?:  The only hint that I have is that A LOT of people have signed up for Emily’s newsletter and listened to DatingCast on their cell phones.  LOL

 

Cheers,

 

Scot

 

 

=====

 

 

Be Good,

Scot

 

 

=====

 

 

LAZY HOLIDAY PROCRASTINATION + TRIALPAY.COM = FREE STUFF FROM X & Y COMMUNICATIONS:  Since we’ve last talked I’ve become a certified geek for TrialPay.com.  Now you can TrialPay your brains out for any of the three e-books, Secrets To Success With Women For Shorter Men or The Engineer’s Guide To Being Cooler Than The Salesguy.  The last time I checked, there were 101 different ways to get something for free while pointing/clicking your way through holiday shopping including several wine sampling packages, a $50 purchase at The Gap (and get $27 worth free…are you kidding me?), and—get this—simply signing up for Ebay for the first time and buying *anything*.  But BY FAR the most ridiculous one I’ve noticed is…

 

 

…$97 WORTH OF CIGARS FOR $29.95—AND THE FREE STUFF?:  Call it poetic irony, but some guy called “Thompson Cigar” is up there on TrialPay willing to send you a hundred-dollar box of cigars for $29.95, and is STILL somehow willing to pay for your copy of Deserve What You Want (or whatever else floats your boat).   And there’s no “strings”.   Getchasum by jumping anywhere from:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com

 

If the “Being Cooler” program is what you’re after, you’ll need this:

http://www.beingcooler.com

 

 

 

NEW VIDEO BLOGS:   The new video blog entry called “For Entertainment Purposes Only” is live at 

http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog

I was “feelin’ it” earlier, so I’ve actually got the next FIVE v-blogs in the can, also.  Stay tuned.  Actually, you can subscribe to the RSS feed and you’ll never miss a thing.  There’s always plenty of “bonus content” there for you, and maybe even an “unadvertised” special or two. 

 

 

 

CONFERENCE CALL WITH CARLOS XUMA AND I:  As mentioned last time, CX and I are running a teleconference call on how to succeed with women this holiday season.  I’ve read some of the questions, and they’re REALLY good ones.  Don’t miss it.  There are only 200 lines and it costs NOTHING, so get there early and make your first “New Year’s Resolution” to stop shaking hands with your buddies on New Year’s Eve.   Next Thursday 12/6 @ 6p Pacific / 9p Eastern is the time, and here’s the place to get the details:

http://www.instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING PROFILE RATING IS NOW OFFICIALLY TEAMED UP WITH MATCH.COM:  Yeah, yeah…we know.  FINALLY.  It’s not like Emily and I didn’t meet there or anything.  So, yeah…once I got in touch with the right honchos over at Match, this was actually a slam-dunk.  From now on, we’re featuring Match.com profiles.  This really does mean better material, and it ALSO means you can start sending us your Match.com usernames again for possible (and anonymous) inclusion in the show.  We even have some guests coming up.  Look for the first new-look episode in a few days at:

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=213484722

 

…and it’s also time you tried Match.com yourself, isn’t it?  Stop putting it off.  We’ve got a killer deal for you here:

http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/match

 

 

 

X & Y ON THE FLY #34 IS COMING RIGHT UP:  Emily is feeling great, and the next XYotF will be called “Things MOTOS Just Don’t Get About MOTOS”.  Read that title a few times and I promise it starts making sense.  Rest assured, Emily and I each have LOTS to throw out on the table for this.  Brace yourself for more flat-out common sense regarding understanding the opposite gender than you’ve seen in a LONG, LONG time.  Get subscribed on iTunes so you don’t miss out:

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=162722277

And write us a review sometime, okay?  We love reading them.

 

 

 

SEVEN DOLLAR SEMINARS FOR GUYS:  Want to find out how committed we are to giving you “bang for your buck?”  Put us to the test for only seven bucks each.   Here’s the lineup…

 

Real Seduction And “Seduction Community Snake Oil”, featuring Thundercat  (every man should hear this audio program):

https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1721790

 

Expert-Level Communication, featuring Sebastian Drake (one of our most popular podcast guests ever):

https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1721794

 

How To Understand Women, featuring Marie Forleo (this is another “must hear” program):

https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1721758

 

 

 

EMILY’S “KEYS TO BLISS” NEWSLETTER:  Many of you STILL sign up every single time I send out a newsletter, so I’ll STILL keep telling you about it.  Drop a blank e-mail to emily@aweber.com .  No subject or text is necessary.  Joining will not affect your membership to this newsletter.   Emily got the November Keys To Bliss out (first things first), so now she’s got the next newsletter on tap for you in the next couple of days.

 

 

 

 

Did a friend forward you this message?  To receive this free newsletter on 21^st century dating issues from X & Y Communications on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download “Get What You Deserve” for free.  Or, just email xandy@aweber.com.  Easy stuff.

 

Questions?  Ideas?  Comments?  Send to questions@xandycommunications.net.  Your feedback is welcome.  If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter to others.  That’s how we build our audience.

 

 

X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.