IN THIS EDITION:   Are you willing to sacrifice your very dignity for the companionship of  MOTOS?  If you can relate to what you are about to read in any way, shape or form it’s time for IMMEDIATE action.  Read on…

 

VIRTUOSITY SPECIAL:  Guys, some of you missed out on the pre-release special for whatever reason.  No worries, I’ve got your back this week.  Enter “xy35off” in the “coupon code” section and you’re all set.  More content and more depth than you’ve ever seen…all gift-wrapped in a 100% guarantee of life-changing results.  No tricks, tactics or gimmicks…just character-based readiness for ultimate success with women.  Click here:  http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity/newsletter

 

 

Now, on to one of the most poignant letters I’ve received in a long time.  Fair warning: if you think the beginning of the letter is troublesome you will likely be picking your jaw up off the floor in utter disbelief by the time you are done reading it.  Yet, what is written about goes on ALL THE TIME so pay careful note.  If any part of it sounds familiar, my sincere hope is that today’s newsletter will serve as a clear wake up call.  And NO…this stuff is NOT gender-specific.  Ladies, if you lead a life anything like this guys’, everything in my answer is fully transferable…

 

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

 

 

“JBF Zone”?  Try “JBF Nation”.

 

 

Hi Scot,

I was looking for your advice on my current situation. 

 

I have a room mate who has lived with me for 1 1/2 years.  When she moved in we got along great and she even told me she loved me.  But the love never has translated into a relationship in a romantic sense.  Lately she has become very dominant…to the point where she was telling me when to go to bed. 

 

I'm a patient guy but I could only take so much and the last time she got an attitude with me I a blew up at her and told her to stop it.  This ended up in an argument that lasted for a long time.  Most of the arguing was on her side after I said what I had to say and quit arguing. 

 

After a few days we went and talked to a mutual friend of both of us.  We both agreed we were wrong about certain things and said we would wipe the slate clean.  Prior to the meeting she said she was going to look for a place to move to.  She has told me she is moving out at the end of the month.  I re-apologized for some of the things I said the other evening and she said the slate was clean and that me apologizing was like pouring salt in the wound. 

 

She acts nice to me now but still plans on moving out the end of the month.  I sent flowers to her work to try to create an atmosphere that could help create a real relationship.  She liked the flowers and all the attention she got from the other girls in the office.  Also in our conversation with our mutual friend she said that I had never asked her out.  Many times in the past 3 years we have went out but I didn't say “do you want to go out with me”.  I would say “do you want to go to the movies” or something like that.  So she said we were just hanging out not dating.  

 

I have given her a few small gifts in the past 2 weeks.  2 days ago I gave her a pearl necklace.  She opened the box and said we have to talk.  She said “we have hung out a lot in the past 3 years and I look at you as a friend”.  This is after she said I never asked her out? 

 

I really don't want her to move out but don't know how to get her to want to be in a relationship with me. 

 

If she moves out it will be a financial struggle for her and on top of that she doesn't have a car.  So I was helping her out a lot with rides to work,, etc. and letting her stay with me no charge.  It looks like she still has hurt feeling from all that has happened in the past even though she says the slate is clean, otherwise she probably wouldn't want to move under the circumstances. 

 

Any idea on how to mover her in to a relationship and keep her with me in 2 weeks?

 

Thanks,

 

Brett

 

 

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OK Brett, here it is.

 

Notwithstanding operational semantics, THERE IS NO "RELATIONSHIP".

 

Not only are you not this woman's boyfriend, I doubt you're really even her friend.  It's time to wake up here.  You are PAYING HER WAY IN LIFE, and she doesn't offer you anything in return.  This is the classic end-game representation of manipulation.  You give and give some more, and she ends up completely in charge.  Yet YOU are the one feeling a “guilt trip”.

 

Think of it this way.  You are GIVING AWAY EVERYTHING to her, yet you are concerned about what happens if she leaves?  She doesn't have a car.  She doesn't have a place to go.  YET...she orders you around and even tells you when to go to bed?  What, is that her second “job”…and one that you pay her well for, no less? 

 

You have an “employee”, Brett.  And my firm opinion is that she is in need of a change in career path.  What is going on here doesn’t even qualify you as the “sexless boyfriend”. 

 

But let’s put all of these important factors aside for a brief moment.

 

On top of all else, your dating life has been literally hamstrung for the past year and a half.  There are at least two reasons for this.  First there’s the simple fact that no woman whom you could potentially have had a real relationship with during that time would have been okay with the fact that you…uh...have ONE ROOMMATE WHO'S FEMALE.  Second, any hope of a real dating life has been squelched because she has TRAINED YOU TO BE SUBSERVIENT.

 

There is no option for you right now but to break free of this.  She is doing you a favor by leaving.  It may be difficult to see that right now, but keep reading these newsletters and listening to the podcasts and you'll be crystal clear in no time.  To be completely honest, I would have been much happier to read that you finally had saw the light and were kicking her out.  The fact that this is actually allowed to be her own decision…and that you are EVEN NOW attempting to buy her attraction with flowers and expensive gifts practically cajoles my lunch to the surface.

 

By the way, of COURSE she is telling you she liked the flowers.  OF COURSE she likes how her co-workers reacted.  That changes NOTHING in the attraction department. 

 

Oh wait…maybe it does.  It makes things even BLEAKER for you.  That’s why you got a “talk” after giving her the necklace.  That talk wasn’t simply a “JBF Talk”, it was the “Post JBF Talk”.  That’s the sit-down you get that goes something like this:  “Look, didn’t we go over this before?  You’re supposed to remain harmless, remember?  Fine, then.  Now you stay in line from now on, okay?”

The bottom line is that women do not feel attraction for men they cannot respect.  Mark that.  There never was anything romantic going on here, and never will be.  Your flowers and pearl necklaces only served to dig your pit even deeper.  You have built an impermeable position as a powerless beggar here, and that NEVER WORKS with women.

 

And If she mentioned that you “haven’t asked her out” to someone else, that was meant as a flimsy shield against the bright light that would shine on her manipulative nature were anyone to really know the fullness of what goes on (or doesn’t?) between you two.  As long as she has your timid nature to keep her warm at night, she can make that excuse all day long.  But rest assured, she knows exactly where you stand.

 

Do us all proud, Phil and tell this user/manipulator not to let the door hit her on the way out.  She has no feelings for you.

 

Man up and deserve a great woman.  It can happen for you sooner than you think with some simple changes in habits and in the decisions you make.  For example, change the habit of being passive with your generous spirit and make the decision NOT to be anyone's doormat.  Great women of character will love you for it, as ironic as that sounds to you right now.   

 

Be Good,

Scot

 

 

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THE CHICK WHISPERER #14:  It’s on the loose, folks.  All-around cool guy Cameron Teone stops by to talk about his days at Project Hollywood and how his thinking on women has evolved since.  You do not want to miss this episode, and you won’t as long as you hit iTunes at http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=218155493 or the feed at http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer .  Get a primer on Cameron from http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/cameron and get your hands on his great book.  And thanks again to all of YOU for your support in putting TCW on the front page WORLDWIDE in iTunes’ “Health/Alternative Health” section.

 

 

A NEW X & Y ON THE FLY IS COMING SOON:  We know you liked that episode about the “Battle Of The Flowers”.  So Emily and I are going to put on the gloves again and go a round or two on “Which Sex Has Harder Challenges When It Comes To Dating?”  Do men have it tougher or do women?   Find out some surprises as she and I banter mano-a-mano…just the two of us.  Coming soon to iTunes:   http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=162722277  and to the feed at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly .  Don’t ask us how we got on the front page of the “Self-Help” section on iTunes.  May have been that last review one of your left…it was a barnburner.  LOL.

 

AND…A NEW ODPR SHOW IS COMING SOON:  For the first time ever we’re having a guest on the Online Dating Profile Rating show.  That’s none other than Adam Gilad, who also writes to guys under the name “Grant Adams” ( http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/grant ).  Show #19 will be coming at you on iTunes: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=213484722 or at:  http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating .

 

 

RECOMMENDED READING FROM ALL OF OUR FRIENDS:  We’ve put all of our recommendations in one place.  Find Carlos Xuma, Joseph Matthews, Michael The Dating Wizard, Marie Forleo, David DeAngelo, Christian Carter, 000Relationships, Michael “Mr. Romance” Webb, Dave M., Stephen Nash, Master The Vibe, Grant Adams, Mimi Tanner, Martin Merrill, and MORE all in one place.  Conveniently, we’ve written concise reviews of everything.  http://www.dating-resources.net is the place.

 

 

AUDIO BOOKS:  Confirmed.  The next project will be audiobook versions of Deserve What You Want and How To Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life.  I realize a lot of you would rather listen on the iPod than thumb through an e-book.  Fair enough.  A solution is on its way…very soon. 

 

 

EXPANDED COACHING OPTIONS:  If you would like to schedule 1-on-1 time with either Emily and/or me, take a look at http://www.dating-coaches.com .  Chances are there’s a plan that meets your needs.  If not, we’ll make one.  Schedule at your convenience regardless of time zone.  Results are guaranteed.

 

 

DATINGCAST:  Have you listened in to DatingCast yet?  We’re already up to show #19.  Subscribe via iTunes in the “Health/Self-Help” section or by clicking here:  http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=260439985 .  Remember, you can get ALL 70 EPISODES (including the 51 as-yet unreleased ones)  in one neat package called “Rapid Fire” when you get any e-book.

 

 

EMILY’S “KEYS TO BLISS” NEWSLETTER:   You can still join the phenomenon that is Emily’s newsletter by sending a blank email to emily@aweber.com.  No subject or text is necessary.  Joining will not affect your membership to this newsletter.   Incidentally, Emily is 7 1/2 months pregnant these days but cranking out newsletters as well as she can!

 

 

 

Did a friend forward you this message?  To receive this free newsletter on 21^st century dating issues from X & Y Communications on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com, drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download “Get What You Deserve” for free.  Or, just email xandy@aweber.com.  Easy stuff.

 

Questions?  Ideas?  Comments?  Send to questions@xandycommunications.net.  Your feedback is welcome.  If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter to others.  That’s how we build our audience.

 

 

X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.