IN THIS EDITION:   When seduction advice backfires … When NOT to date…Is the CHEATER still in CONTROL?…Sleepless nights

 

 

Reader Questions And Comments

 

 

 

VIRTUOSITY PRE-RELEASE SPECIAL:  Since the last newsletter I have added three new specialized audio programs to my upcoming advanced series and have expanded the guest list of world-class co-hosts even further.  I am not finished yet--two other “heavy hitters” have accepted invitations within the last 24 hours.  Get in on the pre-release special offer at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity.  

 

And now, on to your questions…

 

 

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Some Tricks From A Guy Out In California

 

 

Hey Scot,

 

Unfortunately it's not going very well.  Lost is the best word to describe me at the moment.  I understand what you and Emily have and would give anything I have to be as happy as you both are.  I have emailed you before and I am a member of the Power Sessions, which are great by the way. 

 

At the turn of the new year I lost an excellent women, (I believe that she was even my perfect match) by using some tactics from the pickup artist community.  It didn't work because it wasn't me and she wanted me, not some tricks from a guy out in California.  I have dated many women since then but I feel like I would be settling with them.  Then I manage to somehow sabotage the situation and feel like crap.  I hate feeling like this so I'm not even dating anymore.  I absolutely hate giving up, but I don't know how much more failure I can take.  I am a fairly stand up guy and have many of the qualities you speak of, but this has been a bad year and I'm not having much luck.  My optimism is running on E.  Is there anything I can do to turn this sinking ship around?

 

Thanks,

 

Steve

 

 

Hello Steve:

 

I’m getting letters similar to yours very often nowadays, and part of the reason I’m printing it here is that I’m sure it will resonate with A LOT of men out there. 

 

Believe me, I’m very aware that we as guys have very few viable options when it comes to getting better with women and I’m laser-focused on helping change that, of course. 

 

The truth is that some guys aren’t necessarily interested in becoming a “world class pickup artist”.  They’d really just like to get better at attracting great women, but the vast majority of dating/attraction material out there tends to assume men are all interested in quantity vs. quality (for lack of a less euphemistic description).   So the simple truth is that when a man decides he wants to step up and improve his skills, it’s altogether possible that his congruency and perceived level of character will actually take a hit when he puts the new info into practice.  Ironically, this means his level of success with women will actually drop like a rock.

 

Sure, most of the advice out there will work to some degree.  But the disconnect likely occurred in your case because you are indeed interested in GREAT WOMEN, not just ANY WOMEN.   Ironically, men who are focused on tricks and routines are not the ones who are attracting the highest echelon of women, as you’ve already figured out. 

 

The very sharpest women are wise to all of that and deserve better.  They deserve a man of character.

 

You’ve already recognized you are a stand-up guy (read:  “solid character”).  You also know what it means to attract a terrific woman, having done so.  Be that man of high character and deserve what you want.  Part of being that guy is refusing to accept failure.  So in a very real way, a simple decision on your part to not “give up” may be a big part of what it takes to resume being the kind of man who attracts the kind of woman you are used to.   Then you empower yourself to confidently continue becoming an even better man than ever.

 

Oh…and yes…stick around.  We’re all about “raising the bar” around here.    

 

 

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Too Young, Separated, Moving or NOT Moving

 

Hello,

I have a question.  Is there any time when someone honestly should not date?  If so, how do they know when to finally start dating?

Monique

PS-  I love your show.  Thanks for pointing out some obvious stuff to men.  :)

 

 

Monique:

 

That's one of those questions that requires me to go through ALL the file cards to make sure I don't miss anything. 

 

No wait...I can only think of three:

 

1)  You are young enough that your parents still have authority in your life and prohibit it.

 

2)  You are "separated" and still pending divorce.

 

3)  You are dead.

 

Notice that "married" is conspicuous by it's absence.  Emily and I go on dates all the time.

 

On second thought, there's arguably a fourth:

 

       4)  You are about to permanently move far, far away within a short amount of time.

 

 

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What…Cautious?  Him?  Really?

 

Dear Scot,

Thank you so much for all the emails I receive from you guys.

I have one problem Scot, the thing is I am stuck. I have known this one guy in my area for about six months or so, he is a good guy and has good looks and has a good job as a metallurgist, once in a while we chat but that’s just it. I know he likes me because he really pays attention to me and calls me at least twice a week. The problem is that last year a week before his wedding he found his fiancée to be in bed with his best friend. That really upset him and their wedding was called off. Sometimes he can be so aloof but how do I get really close to him because he seems very cautious at times?

Rita

 

Hello Rita:

 

Ah yes... another example of the type of emails like that have been showing up in our inbox more often than ever lately.

 

I call 'em the "How We'd Love To Have A Word With The Other One Of You" type of emails.

 

Clearly your friend has had a traumatic experience.  One that continues to torture him to the core, as evidenced by how he appears to be projecting a deep level of inherent mistrust on every woman he meets nowadays.

 

That, of course, is unfair.  After all, his (former) best friend (who is male, I assume?) was involved in the infraction also.  Yet I'm sure he still trusts himself--a fellow male.

 

Yes.  I'd love to have a word with your friend.  Share some life experiences.  Explain that there are some amazing and perfectly trustworthy women out there (of which you may very well be one).  Maybe tell him that he'll continue to attract and settle for untrustworthy women into his life as long as that is who he expects to show up.  Exhort him that life is way too short to let this former-fiancée CONTROL him to the degree she still is.  That last one would be a wake-up call, wouldn't it?  Boy howdy.

 

Or, on the other hand, maybe I'd just slap his wrist and get him to stop leading on a nice woman like you with a bunch of lines designed to hold you at bay until he finds someone he likes more. 

 

I guess I'd have to make the judgment call on which direction to go sometime into our little talk.

 

But the truth is I didn't get the email from him.  I got it from you. 

 

So my answer for you is much less complicated and even more pragmatic:  You aren't going to change him.  You deserve a man who is emotionally available, which this one isn't.  Now go deserve what you want--and remember part of deserving is recognizing who you deserve.

 

 

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Attack Of (Or Advice Of?) The Clones

 

 

Scot:

 

My friend told me about your site.  I read it, started listening to The Chick Whisperer and some of the other audio lessons too.  I like what you have to say.  I have to wonder though, how you are able to answer e-mails, be available for phone calls, and come up with audio interviews including Virtuosity?  Are you sure it's only you (and Emily)?  Are there 3 Scot McKay's?

 

Frank

 

 

Hello Frank:

 

Nope, there really is only one of me.   Having seen Multiplicity with Michael Keaton a few years back I decided cloning is out of the question.

 

Here’s the simple truth.  It’s generally accepted that waking up every morning excited about one’s work is as good as it gets.   Well, I woke up YESTERDAY morning excited about my job…and I haven’t gone to bed yet.  

 

 

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Be Good,

Scot

 

 

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X & Y ON THE FLY #32 IS ON THE LOOSE:  Sean Stephenson of www.timetostand.com is the guest, and  http://www.x-net-media.com is the place.  If you have iTunes get it there in the “health/self-help” section.  This is a good one:  “An Unsettling Conversation About Settling”.   Emily thinks it’s the best episode of XYotF ever. 

 

 

THE CHICK WHISPERER:  Yes, a new episode is finally coming.  I assure you I’ll make it a good one.  Look for it later this week.

 

 

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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

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