READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

 

 

 

HALF-OFF DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT EXTENDED:   Good news…I’m extending the opportunity to get HALF OFF of Deserve What You Want for a few more days.  Enter “refreshed50” as a “code” when you order from http://www.dating-advise.us and you’re in!   Gather up the four bonuses—all of which could be “stand alone” products if we weren’t so bent on delivering MASSIVE value—and get your first month of Power Sessions (For Men or For Women) as an additional NO-COST bonus. 

 

Perhaps you’ve been reading these newsletters for a while, and you enjoy them.  Now you’re curious as to why Deserve What You Want and Power Sessions are changing lives all over the world (see http://www.xandycommunications.net/main/buzz.htm for real testimonials).  Today is the day to learn why, and begin to take your own “wild success” seriously.  Remember, we 100% guarantee you’ll be glad you did.  Emily and I both reinvented ourselves around the principles we talk about, built our relationship on them, and continue to live by them right now.  You won’t find a more compelling track record anywhere, folks.  No conjecture, no theories, no mind tricks…just what works.  That’s isn’t just what Deserve What You Want is about, that’s ALL that it’s all about.

 

And, now here are your letters…

 

 

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BECAUSE SHAME IS A DRAG

 

 

Hi Scot. If you're reading this, thanks for the wealth of love-life-saving advice from the podcasts and all that, and congrats on the kid!

OK-- to the problem.

I'm 21 and a true late-bloomer, ex-wallflower, you name it; and it went to ridiculous lengths, with my first kiss not coming until I was 20. So after years of shyness and insecurity rationalized as high-standards, lack of money and apathy, I went out and made all the changes in my life that were a long time coming. Several failures later, I came across your site and with the advice there I slowly began to tune-up my social skills, become more confident and generally correct my vision concerning the world of women.

I met a girl, let's call her Fran, outside a movie theater, made conversation, handled myself well and we've been going out for coming on two months. It's been wonderful so far- but sex will have to come soon, and I'm inexperienced to say the least. So how do I deal with this elephant in the room?

Of course Fran and I should talk about this like rational adults, but I'm worried about letting out a secret like this so early in a relationship, and it's unlikely nay impossible that I could keep this quiet, play it by ear and get away with it- and in all conscience I'm not sure I could try. And I don't know if I can trust her about this, or whether that's an accurate reading of her personality or my own paranoia. She's been more patient than I can believe, but everyone has a limit and I feel that she's approaching hers.

I don't want to sound starry-eyed, but this could always become something special. I don't want for my inexperience or my desire to play the field, for want of a better cliché, ruin everything. I'm too conscientious to use women purely to build up my sexual experience, especially Fran, but I know this desire to make up for lost time will itch at me for a long time. How the hell do I get through all these minefields?

Yours conflicted,

Randy

 

 

 

Hello Randy:

Thank you for the kind words.

As for your issue, you have nothing to be ashamed of.  You are only 21, and even if you were older sexual experience is not tied to your general worth as a human being.  I mean think of it, people are looked down upon right left when the opposite is true, right?  And this opposite type of shame is equally, well…shameful.   So whether you are sexually “experienced” or not, someone is there to try to point a finger.  That perspective makes it all appear pointless, doesn’t it?

 

But I completely understand and in fact relate to your rationalizations.  I remember that well.

I have a very simple answer for you.  Essentially, you will be pleasantly shocked at how well women will likely respond to hearing that you are a virgin.  In fact, they may get even more charged up about you for it.  Think of it:  You are clearly not having sex with any woman who can fog a mirror, no STDs to be concerned about, plus the challenge of being your "first" is still out there for a great woman.

Fran may practically attack you were she to find all of this out.

But actually, my guess is that she may already have it figured out.  Women are very intuitive.  And she's still around, isn't she?

Ironically, one of my superstar Ten-Plus guys just went through EXACTLY what you are, except he's 27.  I sent him your note (anonymously) and asked him to give an answer independent of mine.  I thought you might appreciate hearing BTDT from a guy in your situation who got through it with flying colors.  As a preview, he was very worried about her finding out about his virginity...and in short, it turns out the woman he has been hanging out the most with is also!  LOL  It was pretty much "game on" from there.

I will forward you his answer when I get it.

 

 

[Ed Note:  Said superstar Ten-Plus guy was amazingly gracious with his input.  A few days later Randy wrote back reporting results almost alarmingly similar to what was predicted.  Cheers!]

 

 

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JACKPOT PHRASES NOT NECESSARILY A GET RICH QUICK PLAN

 

 

Scot,

 

It's funny how life is.  Or should I say confusing!  I hear most of these phrases many times.  Especially, "How can you still be single?"  and "You're different.  I'm told over and over that I am not like the "other" girls in my city.  Meaning I'm not superficial, immature, a gold digger, bitchy, stuck up, no sense of humor. They go to the extent of giving me these examples.  They tell me I'm cool, funny, honest, fun, witty, articulate, know what I want, outgoing.

 

Yet these men do not wish to continue a relationship with me.  For one reason or another, they tell me after the second date that I'm all these wonderful things but that they do not want to pursue the relationship.

 

It's baffling, confusing, frustrating and disappointing.  I guess one day I will finally meet the guy who does truly appreciate these qualities in a woman!

 

Jennie

 

 

 

Yes, Jennie...unfortunately some men really do use these lines for manipulative purposes...just like the caveat I offered.  Interestingly, women don't usually, do they?  It's rare.

 

I don't have a precise answer for you with regard to your dilemma since I don’t have much to go on, but I can offer a few potential items you can check yourself against:

 

1)  Do you tend to talk a lot about exclusivity on the first or second date, even pressuring guys into it a bit?

 

2)  Do you demand a lot of attention, being "high maintenance" in terms of calling, texting, etc?

 

3)  How's your general attitude towards guys?  From the tone of your letter you sound like a truly sharp woman who deserves what you want.  That said, there is usually something in one's mindset--even if subtle--that tends to cause the wrong types of people to be drawn into one's dating circle.  Do you in your heart believe that most (if not all) men are "commitment-phobic"?  That can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Those are just a few ideas. 

 

 

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DOES WINE TASTING COUNT?

 

 

Hey Scot, how's it going? I'm a 19-year-old college student living in the San Luis Obispo area in California and I was wondering if you have any projects operating in the area. I don't have a deprived dating life, but I listened to what you had to say in the DYD interviews and was able to identify and connect with it. I figure it's better to learn from someone who has gone through life doing the things that I aspire to do rather than to stumble though it by trial and error. Thanks for your time.

Respectfully,
 

Alberto

 

 

 

Alberto:

 

You know Emily and I were in your part of the world last August, and we didn’t quite finish the list of wineries we wanted to hit.  That sounds like a worthwhile project.

 

Since you need a couple more years of life experience before you can hang out with us for that one, I’m going to make the correct assumption here—that you are one of an increasing number of men AND women who are hounding us for live seminars.  Yes…we are currently exploring how to make those happen, and although SLO is a bit off the beaten track LA is a distinct possibility.

 

Incidentally, you’ve brought up another stellar point, Mark.  MANY of those on this list are indeed quite successful in their dating lives already.  That’s part of what makes what we do around here so cool.  Whether you are building a wildly successful dating life from scratch or are well on your way, we can help take you all the way to the real destination (deserving the greatest person you’ve ever met), not just part of the way.  Disarmingly obvious a plan, isn’t it?  Yet it takes a real track record to light that path…and that’s where Emily and I mean business.

 

 

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THE MARRIAGE MAY END, BUT IT WON’T END YOU

 

 

Hello Scot,

I just wanted to write and tell you that I enjoy your stuff.  What I love most is that it's no-nonsense.  Lots of stuff out there is clearly designed by people claiming to be PUAs but are really ROA (rip-off-artists). Your style is simple, direct, and effective.  When I listen to you I hear confidence and security in your voices, and I
hear real life ... not some Friday-night fantasy world where you put on a bunch of eye-liner and pick up Playboy models.

I'm 33, divorced, and have spent most of my life being lonely.  I hardly dated in high school and college.  I met and married my ex pretty much based on two things ... a) she enjoyed being the one in control of the relationship and b) she let me love her.  Looking back, I see that in my eight-year marriage, I had no confidence, gave her all my power, and completely gave up all of my self-respect.  I tried to show her that I loved her by giving her everything ... and what happened? Simple.  She stopped being attracted to me because I gave up my dignity and my value as a man.  So, she strayed.  She had several affairs that left me heart-broken ... and our relationship fell apart.

Surprisingly, my recovery process has let me somewhere I didn't expect. After three years of contemplating it all, I realize that her affairs were wrong, but they weren't all her fault.  I should have been more of a man.

The problem is, nobody ever taught me how to be a man.  That's the story of thousands and thousands of men like me.

With your help I've been able to all but eliminate my approach anxiety and my inability to talk to and enjoy the company of women.

I date a fair bit now.  I go out all the time.  I meet lots of women.  I'm having fun.

You, in part, are to thank for that.  So…thanks.

I'd like to see you either do a podcast or write something that has advice specifically for men who are divorced.  In divorce support groups I've attended (and still attend) I run into guys who are rock-bottom when it comes to relationships.  I've heard you say you are divorced, and although I don't know the details of your situation, I know that if you've been through that you know the pain involved.  Since you are now not only taking the plunge again but you're also pretty much an expert on the social dynamics of dating, I think there's probably nobody better qualified to give a little advice to divorced men.

Thanks again for all you do.  You're doing great things for men out there. Congratulations on all your great work, your upcoming marriage, and your continued life of success.

Warm regards,

Mark

 

 

 

Mark:

 

You have absolutely captured the very essence of our style around here.  We base what we do on solid character-based principle, and we live what we talk about.  I’m not sure you will find any “dating guru” anywhere who is as able to demonstrate pure, end-game results the way Emily and I can.  So, basically, that’s tends to contribute to the simple, direct and effective “no-nonsense” approach you’ve noticed.   We feel very confident in telling it like it is…because “it” flat-out works—whoever you are, wherever you live, and whatever your age is. 

 

That said, I want to commend on where your recovery process has brought you.  You have discovered—as I did when my divorce happened--the golden value of REFUSING TO BE A VICTIM.   While some would say you are “letting her off the hook” by offloading blame and bitterness after having been cheated on, I’m not one of them. 

 

She cheated, and she shouldn’t have.  And honestly, there is no good excuse for that sort of infidelity. 

 

Nonetheless, your decision to focus on becoming the kind of MAN you should always have been is a constructive attitude.  Contrast that with the pit of self-pity that bitter “blamers” dig themselves into.  Here is a real truth:  If a cheating spouse destroys a marriage, and he or she who was cheated upon allows that to burn away at him forever—and creating general disdain for the opposite sex—then the cheating spouse WILL HAVE SUCCEEDED AT DESTROYING YOU, not just the marriage.  But…it will have been allowed to happen by a willing victim, will it not have?

 

I’m starting to sound like Yoda here, so that’s enough.

 

But nevertheless, the fact that you are beginning to enjoy a wildly successful dating life here is largely attributable to your willingness to take the bull by the horns, make solid decisions, take leadership and make things happen to ensure that your future relationships wouldn’t suffer like the last one did.  And that, my friend, sounds a lot like being a MAN.  So there are no coincidences here.  You’re plan is coming along nicely.  And insofar as I’ve helped you, I’m grateful for that opportunity.

 

As far as specific divorce-recovery material, you may see something on that in the future.  We’ve done interviews on that subject right and left, it seems.  That said, the first chapter of Deserve What You Want is, as it is in real live, all about “Eliminating The Obstacles Of The Past”.  Several sections deal with rebounding from divorce, and are packed with real-world information.

 

 

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Be Good,

Scot

 

 

 

NEW PODCAST:  “DATINGCAST”:   Some of you had asked about the possibility of a shorter podcast with a faster, smaller download size.  Your questions have been answered.  The obviously-named “DatingCast” is already here.   You can get the first three (make that four) episodes RIGHT NOW on iTunes or at http://feeds.feedburner.com/datingcast.  And yeah, we really can’t believe the name hadn’t been taken yet either…but it has now.   By the way, the content of the series is based on the “Rapid Fire” audio program that comes as a bonus with every e-book.  So if you like what you hear, you know how to get “instant gratification” as far as upcoming episodes go.  Nice.

 

 

 

NEW EPISODES OF VIDEO SHOWS:    Check the “X & Y On The Fly LIVE” and “The Chick Whisperer TV” shows out on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/group/datingadvice (www.youtube.com/group/datingadvice).  Episode 4 of TCWTV has now been unleashed, as has Episode 3 of XYotF LIVE.  Mad love atcha.

 

 

 

AMY WATERMAN AND MARIE FORLEO THINK EMILY ROCKS:   …So much so that they’ve included an epic roundtable audio program with her on their brand, spanking new program “Make Every Man Want You More”.  Ladies, mark my word…this program is absolutely so right-on in terms of explaining what we guys LOVE LOVE LOVE about truly great women that it earns my highest recommendation.  You just can’t go wrong with this program.   I heard bits and pieces of the roundtable conversation that Emily did going on behind closed doors, and I knew then it was going to be legendary.  Having now heard the whole thing, I can reasonably say that it alone is worth getting the program for.  An absolute masterpiece.  Need more?  How about this excerpt from the press release:  “At last, something that doesn't teach women to act like men or play dumb like bimbos. This is a course for real women, women with minds and intellects, women who want to attract men without compromising their integrity.”  Ladies, you couldn’t pick three better women to hear from.  Seriously.  You can find the “Make Every Man Want You More” program at “http://xandycom.unicades.hop.clickbank.net?type=wantmore”. 

 

 

 

TEN-PLUS IS FOR THOSE WHO REFUSE TO SETTLE:  Ten-Plus is a guided, structured plan of action for your dating success that is already changing lives.  Email me at info@xandycommunications.net for more info and/or find out more at “http://www.datingcoaches.com/”.  Your first fifteen-minute consultation is free—decide for yourself.   And…I’m still the only guy who stands behind his coaching program with a 100% guarantee.

 

 

 

THE CHICK WHISPERER:  Episode 11 features my good friend Brad Finsilver from http://www.datementor.com (www.datementor.com) as co-host.  We talk about “daytime pickup” and the show is a total blast.  This is the longest show ever at nearly an hour, and you can get it right now at http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer.   Get ready for non-stop practical material once we get down to business…seriously.

 

 

 

POWER SESSIONS:  The July edition of Power Sessions For Men is ALL about Situational Conversation.  It is the longest one yet at seventy minutes, and that’s pure rapid-fire content as always.  Find out more at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men. There will be yet another bonus program this month.   And YES…Emily has ‘The Cheater Meter’ on tap for the ladies.  Get in on that--along with some great bonuses to rival those we’re giving out for PS4M—at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women.   Better yet…take advantage of that Deserve What You Want bonus at the top of the page.

 

 

 

EMILY’S “KEYS TO BLISS” NEWSLETTER:  A new edition of Emily’s newsletter went out yesterday.  Sign up for that by sending email to emily@aweber.com.  No subject or text is necessary.  Joining will not affect your membership to this newsletter.  A lot of the guys are joining, I’ve noticed.  There really is a lot to be gained from hearing the other perspective, isn’t there?

 

                                                                                                                                                                                          

 

 

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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.