Reader Questions And Comments

 

 

 

SPRING HAS SPRUNG AND IT’S TIME TO GET YOUR “GAME” ON:   NOW is the time to get your act together in time for summer.  Learn how to master cooking for your date.  Get yourself into a position of DESERVING the one you have your eye on.  Prepare yourself for WILD SUCCESS.   How about ALL of those things?  Whatever you wish it is my command, and to prove it here’s your coupon for ***35% off***, good until the next newsletter is published:  “summer35”.  Use it on any of the three books or on the BONUS package found at www.deservewhatyouwant.com (http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com). 

 

Now, on to your letters…there are some killer ones this time around:

 

 

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Swimming Lessons

 

 

Scot:

 

I wanted to tell you that even though I've just been reading/listening to you and your wife's programs for a month or so, I've learned or had MANY more life changing realizations than I've ever had with the "other gurus".  (I won't name names)  Keep up the amazing information.

 

I was also wondering if you would do an introduction podcast (perhaps you have one that I haven't found). But more for the purpose of other listeners and I to give the podcast to a friend to catch their interest.  I can get a friend to listen to one of your recent podcasts but it's kind of like throwing them into the water and telling them to swim, you have to want to swim and know why you need to learn to swim in the first place.  Just an idea to help guys like me support and expand you in an easier way. Even for women, I need to introduce some women to these so they can actually deserve me!  Haha

 

Thanks again,

 

B--Mississippi

 

 

You know, I continue to be amazed at how few guys out there in “Dating Guru Land” (I can see the oval DGL stickers on the backs of cars now…) are focusing on helping people find someone GREAT instead of “just anyone”.  Especially since “settling” is BOGUS and what we’re talking about here is the secret to true fulfillment.  I’m with you…I believe that’s where the “life changing realizations” are found.  Let’s face it, I have PERSONAL EXPERIENCE in finding “just anyone”, and that didn’t take a whole lot of self-improvement…just a pep talk in order to get up enough nerve to go “sarging” or something.  It didn’t lead to anything but a continued quest for something greater.

 

Lately, I’ve started to see some of the well-known “guru” guys who have been around for years starting to give lip service to finding a great woman by becoming a greater man, vis-à-vis advice on how to “pick up strippers” or “hypnotize chicks”, etc.  This helps me fall soundly asleep at night, not incidentally by the side of the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.  Perhaps we truly are making a dent in changing the world for the better around here.

 

With regard to your more pragmatic question--you know you are absolutely correct.   We really never did an “introduction-cast”, did we?  This is probably for two reasons.  First, we started the whole podcasting thing on purely a whim nearly a year ago—before X & Y Communications even had a registered business license (yep…despite how much we’ve grown, it was only around September 1, 2006 that we were officially “born”).   So those first shows were, how you say, “not so professionally produced”.  If your prurient interests get the best of you, email me and I’ll send you the link to XYotF Episode 1.  You’ll flip.

 

Second, we really have believed all along in “hitting the ground running” with solid content.  Before the DYD interviews and iTunes Top 20 lists, who knew we’d ever even be asked about  people more about ourselves?  BORING.  Well, at least we think so.  But you know, it could be a fun walk down memory lane to do a special edition that’s more biographical.  If and when we do that, we’ll be sure to banter our brains out in the process so it’s at least worth a good laugh.

 

You know, though…that FIRST EPISODE of “X & Y On The Fly TV” is scheduled to be filmed tomorrow night.  If and when you see maybe a minute or two of bio at the front end of that, congratulate yourself “B”…it was YOU who inspired it.

 

 

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Maybe YOU could be…NEXT

 

 

 

Scot and Emily,

 

Of all the dating tips, tricks, and programs I've checked out, your comprehensive program is truly one of the most honest and straightforward (along with David DeAngelo's).  Even though I know you both love what you do, you are truly providing a service that our parents could never have given us.  After a string of relationships that were doomed from the get-go, I started losing faith in women and harbored a lot of resentment for the opposite sex.  With one look at your program, I was "blinded by the light," so to speak.  The simple mantra, "Deserve What You Want," encompasses the very concept that I was simply overlooking, even though it was right in front of my face.  I could go on, but I think simply telling you that I'm forever indebted to your work gets my point across just fine. 

 

That's all I have for now.  I'm sure you'll being hearing from me soon.  Thank you.  Thank you so very much.

 

Sincerely,

 

D—Parts Unknown

 

 

You are quite welcome.  After all, isn’t “Keeping It Real” is what life is all about?  Why share information at all unless it’s something both Emily and I have found to be the TRUTH and in turn helpful for others to know?  Isn’t it ironic that once upon a time David D.’s book helped me personally to an immense degree, and nowadays I get to experience the immense joy of receiving letters like this?  To me this is all “paying it forward”.  Let me tell you…the more thought that goes into this very necessary art of helping both men AND women navigate their dating lives in this altogether gender-bent culture of ours, the better. 

 

One day I want very much for one of YOU reading this newsletter to become the NEXT “dating guru”.  Aw yeah, baby.

 

 

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Proof Positive?

 

 

Hi there:

 

 I have a quick question for you.  A buddy and I were talking about this subject.   Everybody knows that being seen out in public with attractive girls boosts a guys "social proof", but does it work the other way?  Does being seen out in public with unattractive girls lower your "social proof"?

 

Thank you.

 

M—California

 

 

Interesting question. 

 

I think to a degree it does, but what's really interesting in that it depends on the woman and her particular mindset. 

 

Women apparently do not think about this the way men do.  Because men are so visual, we see a woman with an ugly guy and it tends to hurt our impression of her.  Have you ever been dating someone, seen a picture or two of ex-boyfriends (or even met them in a social context) and said to yourself, "Wow...is THAT the level I'm on dating this chick?"  If so, you know what I'm talking about. 

 

Women will often ask themselves, "Hmmm...I wonder what he sees in her?" with regard to a man who is with a  woman whom they perceive as unattractive.  But the truth is that she may assume that such a guy was “nobel” enough to have “looked past outward appearances" and therefore the social proof is still there.  Female approval of any sort drives other female approval.  I’m also not going to discount that a competitive spirit is stoked on the part of women who believe themselves to outshine whomever you are with. 

 

Notwithstanding that, there are definitely other women who think and feel more like the typical guy would.  But no matter what, at the very least being seen with a woman is a plus vs. not having any women at all around you.

 

 

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Scot,

 

I liked what you had to say on the common mistakes short men make.  As proof of concept I recently traveled to Houston where I met a very interesting woman who was 5'11". What I had heard in your audio program really hit home for me when she stated that I was not like other short men she had met in the past. I quickly corrected her and let her know I wasn't short but I was “fun sized”. It was an interesting evening made possible by shifting certain portions of my personal views.

 

I am curious about your upcoming single father program being one myself. For some reason, when I tell a woman I am a single father it is a deal breaker. Is this because they are not the right women for me or do women tend to avoid single fathers in general?

 

H—Texas

 

 

I'm glad that you enjoyed the audio program.  I love hearing the success stories.  I just mentioned your "fun size" concept to Emily and she laughed with delight.  Me, though, I've never understood how a bite sized candy bar is the "fun size".  To me "fun size" would be getting a hold of a “Snickers” so gigantic I’d need an insulin shot afterwards.

 

The single parent program is coming in June, according to current timelines.  We're still building the concepts to be covered in it.  We have a LOT of info on tap, but are truly swinging for the fence on this one by interviewing some of the GREATEST PARENTS in the world on the subject.  Hang in there with us, and we’ll have one amazing program for you when it’s released.  You have my word on that.

 

Your situation is an interesting one.  I personally expected to get a lot of resistance from women when I had my daughter come live with me.  But instead, I found it made many women feel that I was somehow pre-approved as "safe" and they would open up more almost immediately.  I can see their point.  After all, if a guy has been awarded custody of his 5-year-old daughter he’s probably not an axe murderer.  I'm sure some younger never-marrieds would have been more shy, but even so there were MANY who were 25-27 with no kids who were happy to hang out. 

 

My educated guess is that you have happened by coincidental circumstance to hit a string of women who believe that way.  I don't think it's all women—not by a long shot.  Women who are single moms, though…I've found that they almost UNIVERSALLY LOVE when a guy is a single dad.  It’s like being halfway to “soulmate” from the very start.   Keep your masculinity intact and your confidence high.

 

BTW, fellas.  I am working on an interview with a guy who is one of the most renowned experts on fatherhood in the universe.  Rest assured I am going to ask him all about single-father dating issues.  I also can’t wait to pick his brain regarding how younger guys can telegraph to great women what a great father they would be, and how profoundly all of that affects attraction.  This is going to be a KILLER interview—whether you want kids or not, you have to admit that such a talk would be GROUNDBREAKING stuff.

 

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Be good,

Scot McKay

 

 

 

PERSONAL COACHING:  I have exactly two coaching slots open right now, thanks to two people who saw results MUCH faster than expected.  If you have been thinking at all about the concept of putting me to work for you directly, now is the time to contact me at info@xandycommunications.net.

 

 

THE DISCUSSION FORUM (aka MESSAGE BOARD):  We’ve doubled our membership since last week, so true to what I’ve been told message boards really do start gaining momentum all of the sudden.  There are some great new topics, including among other things what to do in the online dating world if you aren’t exactly photogenic. www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum (http://www.xandycommunications.net/forum).  Sign up and jump right into the conversation.

 

 

YOUTUBEÔ VIDEO:  The X & Y On The Fly LIVE show and The Chick Whisperer TV are now ready to go.  First episode will be filmed tonight.

 

 

PODCAST UPDATE:  “The Chick Whisperer” is now truly a worldwide phenomenon, and I finally found the “Wanky Music” nirvana online, which can only mean the theme music is now firing on all cylinders per how I originally envisioned it.  And Edroy Odem is sounding smoother than silk, as always.   Episode 6 hit the street Saturday morning.  It talks about how to get confidence and answers why some men get bored so quickly in long-term relationships.  It’s not like we’ve ever wondered about THAT, huh guys?  Joseph South (http://www.thechickwhisperer.com/south) is indeed in for the next show about competition from other guys, after some scheduling difficulties.  Get a head start on all of that at: http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer.  Meanwhile, Episode 26 of “X & Y On The Fly” is also out, featuring Amy Waterman on femininity.  So far we’ve gotten some great feedback on that one.  Find out more about Amy at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/amy.  Subscribe on iTunes right now at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly so you don’t miss a thing.  Meanwhile the tenth episode of “Online Dating Profile Rating” (http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) is also on the loose--the VERY FIRST to feature a profile submitted by a listener.  We now have a backlog of profiles to “overhaul”, thanks to YOU who have sent them to us.  As you would expect, all of these can be subscribed to via feed, through iTunes or via email.  As always, we appreciate a review on iTunes and/or a vote for us on Podcast Alley.   Remember you can now leave us voicemail at 210-362-4400, and we’ve got PRIZES for callers.  By the way, congrats to Quincy from London, UK whose email was read on the show, scoring a fresh copy of Steve “The Dean” Williams’ new “What Women Want And Why” program (http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/dean) for his strong effort.  

 

 

POWER SESSIONS:  Do you feel as if you have a lot to offer someone great, and yet are STILL not experiencing the success you feel you deserve?  You know what I mean—you look good, you have some style, a job, and lots of personality on top of all else…yet NOTHING is going on in your dating life.   If you’ve ever wondered to yourself “WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG?” I’ve got great news for you.  You NO LONGER have to wait around for your friends to somehow get the nerve to tell you what the deal is.  The May issues of Power Sessions will BOTH cover “Hidden Detractors” that are keeping you from dating success without you even KNOWING IT.  And yes…we’re talking about PRACTICAL information here.  Your Mom isn’t going to tell you these things, and neither are the people who aren’t going out with you.  So be sure to get in on the Power Sessions series before May rolls around.  You could SHOCK YOURSELF with how profoundly your dating fortunes turn around as a result of this important Power Session.  In fact, there is SO MUCH stuff here that we may end up releasing it as a separate audio program altogether after May is done.  Check it all out at:  http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men (men) or http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women  (women).  You can even get the first month FREE when you get your hands on any of the three books, which sweetens the deal even more.  http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women.

 

 

LISTEN TO PODCASTS ON YOUR CELL PHONE:  Don’t have an iPod?  Don’t want to be chained to your computer?  As always, I’ve got your back.  If you DO happen to have “rollover” minutes or “free nights and weekends” out the wazoo, then you can DIAL-A-CAST!  This is RIDICULOUSLY cool.  You just dial the number and the most recent show starts playing.  It’s like dialing into a conference call at work, only it’s, well…NOT work.  Many, many thanks to www.podlinez.com for this (a service of www.phonecasting.com).   The wait for this was MONUMENTAL, as only several hundred numbers are available and EVERY PODCAST ON PLANET EARTH wants ‘em.  So imagine scoring numbers for all four of the shows we have around here?  Are you kidding me?  NICE.  Anyway, here are the numbers below, which are FREE to call except for any applicable long-distance charges.  And, hey, if you are still paying LD, we need to drag you kicking and screaming into the 21^st Century…LOL  I’ve also given you the feed to the MP3 while I’m at it:

 

 

X & Y On The Fly
289-466-5002

Feed:  http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly

The Chick Whisperer
415-376-7267

Feed:  http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer

Online Dating Profile Rating
305-890-1549
Feed:  http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating

Nice Guys Need Love Too—Comedy Cast
305-890-1558

Feed:  http://feeds.feedburner.com/niceguys

 

 

 

Did a friend forward you this message?  To receive this free newsletter on 21^st century dating issues from X & Y Communications on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com, drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download “Get What You Deserve” for free.  Or, just email xandy@aweber.com.  Easy stuff.

 

Questions?  Ideas?  Comments?  Send to questions@xandycommunications.net.  Your feedback is welcome.  If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter to others.  That’s how we build our audience.

 

 

X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.