VIRTUOSITY ADDITIONS:

 

If you’ve read about VIRTUOSITY at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity (www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity), you’ve no doubt figured out that it contains a long-overdue deep dive into online dating—the first time we’ve ever done that in a program.  Considering Emily and I met online (after each experiencing crazy success at it), I didn’t want to simply give you some “tips” on how to get some marginal success.  Nope.  This called for hauling out the “heavy artillery”, resulting in what may be the most far-reaching and innovative take on online dating ever.  I realize that sounds like a bold statement.  Nonetheless, the title of the section (which is but one of six in VIRTUOSITY) is “Online Dating Domination”.  I’m particularly proud to announce that I’ve invited one of the most recognized names in online dating success to co-host an audio program called “How To Dominate Your Metro Area”.  That would be none other than Dave M. himself from Insider Internet Dating (http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/davem).  Going way beyond simply getting a date, Dave and I hash out exactly what it takes for a normal guy (like both of us are) to become one of only a few statistically possible men who can meet the majority of the sharpest women of his choice in his metro area…regardless of which online dating site he is on.  Both of us were able to realize this in our own lives—on Match.com itself (http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/match) and in metro areas of well over a million people in each case.  Moreover, the principles we discovered were shockingly similar, proving there are real, transferable truths at play here.

 

And by the way…I’m not at all done building yet even more depth to VIRTUOSITY.  I’m planning on adding several more high-profile guests to the list prior to the official release date of September 30^th.   Stay tuned for more…

 

 

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Meeting Women:  Does Failure To Deploy Hurt More Than Her Potential Rejection?

 

 

Okay, guys.  Consider this scenario.  You are going about your life minding your own business when all of the sudden…she appears.  Before you is a woman who stuns you with her beauty, her grace, her femininity.  She has the whole package working.  The stars are aligned this day and you begin a conversation with her.  She smiles and appears to be enjoying the interaction.  After a couple of minutes, the window of opportunity draws to a close.  You say…”Well, it was nice knowing you…I need to be going.”  She looks at you with a nearly imperceptible quizzical expression.  “Uh…okay…C’ya.”  She replies.

 

And she’s GONE.  FOREVER.

 

Ladies, has this ever happened to you?  Were you wondering why this guy would even strike up a conversation if he wasn’t even interested in you?  Were you left completely flabbergasted as to what you could possibly have done to have messed it up?  I mean, come on…WHY DIDN’T HE GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

 

Well, ladies, no worries…you likely didn’t do anything in particular to turn the guy off.  In fact, the likelihood is quite the opposite.

 

Guys, what you have done in such a case is the pickup-stage rendition of what we call “Failure To Deploy” around here.  You straight up didn’t SHOW up.  The chance was there, and you did not take it.  This famously is also known to happen when the woman is expecting the first kiss and you don’t make it happen.

 

But what we are addressing today could be even more potentially damaging to a man’s frame of mind than the classic first-date fizzle.

 

The other day I was talking to someone who was able to relate to me in clear detail exactly such a situation.  He walked into an elevator and was met by the most amazing woman he had seen in ages.  Lo and behold, she smiled and they started talking.  After the 30-second elevator ride, the door opened and he walked out of her life…permanently.  He had sensed she was interested and yet didn’t ask for a way to contact her later. 

 

That was ten years ago.

 

Next, my friend was able to share a similar story with equal precision.  The second event had happened four years ago.

 

When asked why in the world he wouldn’t get her e-mail or the phone number either time, his response was simple:  “I wasn’t ready to deal with rejection.”  Interestingly, he had a bit of a sense in both cases that the woman was responding positively to him.  But without an overt invitation (read: “2x4 upside the head”) the mere shred of possibility (even vis-à-vis improbability) that she was “just toying with him” was too hard to overcome on the spot.

 

“Tell me something”, I asked him, “when was the last time you were actually, really ‘rejected’ by a woman?”

 

“Hmm…you know, I can’t remember exactly.”

 

“Yet, you can remember in living color lurid details from when you knew you should have asked for her number, but didn’t do so?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

That’s when it hit me.  Despite being less than “ready to deal with rejection”, he had been forced to deal with rejection nonetheless.  Not rejection by a woman, but rejection on the woman’s behalf by HIMSELF.

 

Had the woman flatly rejected him, he would have been able to find some solace in the fact that he stepped up and took advantage of the opportunity like a man.  In the albeit unlikely event that she had indeed rejected him, he might have been able to “chalk that one up to the game”, perhaps even perceiving that he in fact saved himself the grief of potentially befriending a woman who is sends mixed messages.  Whatever.

 

But the actual outcome, though designed as a protection mechanism, was actually far more painful.  Some overprotective voice in his own head decided to insulate his “inner child” from harm without the benefit of seeing what reality had in store.  Indeed…he had disqualified HIMSELF from being interesting to the woman.  That means that the person who has rejected him is with him always…at the very core.  And worse…that voice of rejection doesn’t hold him in high enough esteem to believe that any woman could really like him.

 

And that, my friends, is how we as guys end up setting ourselves back even further even as we believe we’re “protecting” ourselves from pain.   And yes, ladies--guys do this sort of thing constantly.

 

So, guys, what is your response to this?  Do you see this dynamic happening in your own life?  Most of us do, shockingly enough, at some point or another.  Now that you can identify the issue and its inner-workings have been exposed, can you open yourself to becoming more comfortable with a woman’s subtle signs of interest in you?  And if so, can you believe that sacking-up and giving the woman first right of refusal is far preferable to rejecting yourself on her behalf?  Most importantly, can your true self-image win over that overprotective voice?

 

Keep these concepts at the forefront of your conscious mind and never “fail to deploy” again.  Instead, watch the circle of terrific women you are acquainted with increase dramatically.

 

 
Be Good,

Scot

 

 

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY:  This week we’re celebrating our first birthday at X & Y Communications.  Considering how much has been done this year, this is one of the few examples in life where I can honestly say it seems like time has not “flown”.  It really seems like we’ve been doing this full-time for a lot longer than that.  Nonetheless, it’s our birthday and we’re giving YOU a present.  How about a coupon for 35% off any of our three books—or the Bonus Package?  Use “birthday35” when ordering and unwrap your way to deserving what you want.  And yes…you can absolutely get in on free month of Power Sessions with that, as always.

 

In fact, I’ll tell you what…use this link:  (http://www.xandycommunications.net/creep) and I’ll give you another present just for showing up.  I have a special report called “How To Creep People Out In 12 Easy Steps:  The Bonehead’s Guide To Blowing First Dates”.  This was something fun I put together for a recent event I did, and I want you to have it also.  Look for the square graphic on the left side of the page and download away. 

 

 

 

X & Y ON THE FLY:  Emily and I are going to feature none other than Sean Stephenson as our guest for Episode 32.  Sean is one of the most amazing men on this planet.  Drop by http://www.timetostand.com to read up on him if you haven’t before.  Prepare to be amazed.  The title of the latest cut, which should be posted within a few days is “An Unsettling Discussion”.  Keep your eye on the feed at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.

 

 

 

SHARPEN UP YOUR ONLINE DATING SKILLS:   We’re extending the “back to school” sale on our Online Dating Success Package.  It’s back to $167, and still includes complete training on how to evaluate prospects and write emails along with the profile overhaul.  Start the fall season out right.  It’s all at the newly-updated http://www.datetoorder.com (www.datetoorder.com).

 

 

 

WHERE DO I START?:   Yes, it’s true.  We really do have a lot going on around here, don’t we?  Several (make that dozens) of you have started asking where to start with it all.   My evening project a couple of days ago was this page: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/roadmap (www.deservewhatyouwant.com/roadmap).  On it you’ll find a logical flow of all the cool stuff we offer, starting with the free stuff.

 

 

 

AFFILIATE PROGRAM:   It never occurred to me to mention this in the newsletter until two of you asked about it last week.  If you run a website that is related to dating and relationships in any way, we absolutely to have a killer affiliate program and would love to have you be a part of it.  Find out more at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/affiliates (www.deservewhatyouwant.com/affiliates).

 

 

 

EMILY’S “KEYS TO BLISS” NEWSLETTER:   Sign up for that by sending email to emily@aweber.com.  No subject or text is necessary.  Joining will not affect your membership to this newsletter.   Emily’s last one was great.  So much so that I’m going to talk about its subject matter a bit on Power Sessions this month.

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                          

 

Did a friend forward you this message?  To receive this free newsletter on 21^st century dating issues from X & Y Communications on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com, drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download “Get What You Deserve” for free.  Or, just email xandy@aweber.com.  Easy stuff.

 

Questions?  Ideas?  Comments?  Send to questions@xandycommunications.net.  Your feedback is welcome.  If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter to others.  That’s how we build our audience.

 

 

X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The basic stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.