INTRODUCTION: Baseline Assumptions
1) This Topic Is Inherently Controversial, Mostly Because Of How We’ve Become Conditioned To Expect An Adversarial Tone When It’s Brought Up. I Invite You To Participate In This Discussion Anticipating A Decidedly Different, More Positive Tone.
2) Vice Requires Perversion Of A Virtue In Order To Exist. As Such, Neither Masculinity Nor Femininity Can Be Purely Evil Or Negative.
3) Both Masculinity And Femininty Are Inherently Virtuous, And Both Are Equally Powerful. Femininity May Be The Higher Calling.
4) Just Because Male And Female Are Opposites, Doesn’t Mean That Men And Women Are Opposites In Every Other Way (e.g. Women Are Good, Men Are Bad)
5) There Are Black-Hearted And Golden-Hearted People Of Both Genders. We’re Pro-Man And Pro-Woman Here, And Trust You Are Also.
6) Two Neuter Creatures Cannot Attract Each Other Sexually
7) Masculinity and Femininity Are The Building Blocks Of Sexual Attraction
8) Masculinity And Femininity Are Cultural Constants. You Can’t Change Their Nature Any More Than You Can Change Your Genitalia
9) Women Are Sexual Creatures And Want Their Men Back
10) Women Define What Masculinity Is, Since They’re The Ones Turned On By It. Similarly, Men Define Masculinity.
11) “Macho” Is Masculinity As Men Define It. There Is An Equivalent Female Principle, But Interestingly It Doesn’t Have A Common Term In English To Describe It.
12) As A Man, You Were Born To Attract Women…And Vice-Versa
THE PROBLEM: Causes Of Masculine Confusion
1) The Perversion Of Masculine Virtue, Tragically Confused With Real Masculinity
2) Media-Driven Message Of Weak Masculinity, Originally Positioned As Ironic Humor
3) Perception / Illusion Of Masculine Irrelevance In Post-Modern Society
4) Learned Helplessness, As Men Lazily And/Or Selfishly Forsake Masculine Virtue Vis-à-vis The Perception That They’re “Damned If They Do, Damned If They Don’t” (e.g. Family Law System, Scurrilous Assault Cases, etc.)
5) Outright Feminization Of Men In Post-Modern Society, Even As Women Claim Masculinity For Themselves.
6) Corporate Vilification Of Male Sexuality
7) No Rite Of Passage, The Invention Of Adolescence And Postponing Of Adulthood
8) Assault On Manhood In General By A Vocal Minority Of Women Who Have Been Injured And/Or Oppressed
9) Widespread Misinterpretation By Both Genders Of Machismo (Self-Definition Of Manhood Without Regard For Sexual Polarity) Vs. Masculinity As Women Define It
10) Blindness Toward The Difference Between Sexual Desire And Sexual Polarity, Driven By Pure Neediness
THE SOLUTION: Rediscover And Cultivate Masculine Virtue As Women Define It
1) Compassion Vs. Oppression
2) Protection Vs. Destruction
3) Provision Vs. Consumption
4) Enabling Safety Vs. Fomenting Peril
5) Calculated Vs. Combative
6) Leadership Vs. Indecision
7) Planning Vs. Disarray
8) Knowledge Vs. Ignorance (not to be confused with any discussion about intelligence)
9) Influential Vs. Domineering
10) Ambition Vs. Indifference
11) Purpose Vs. Confusion
12) Victory Vs. Failure
13) Courage Vs. Cowardice
14) Choosing Vs. Chasing
15) Strength Vs. Weakness
16) Character Vs. Inconsistency (as it’s a man’s character that carries the relationship)
Note that “confidence” as opposed to “insecurity” is not on the list. Confidence is a human trait that is attractive in both genders, whereas insecurity is equally universal a non gender-specific turn off.
“Presence” vs. “distance” is likewise not gender specific in its attractiveness.
”Optimism” vs. “Pessimism and “Fun” vs. “Boring” can be similarly classified.
CALL TO ACTION: Challenges
1) Kill Shame Over How Good It Is To Be A Man, When In Reality Women Have Just As High A Purpose. Life, Joy And Happiness Is What They Provide To The World. We Are The Enablers As Well As The Beneficiaries Thereof, So The Genders Indeed Are Symbiotic
2) Kill Personal Shame Over The Actions Of Others. We Aren’t That Guy. Compare With Women’s “Anti Slut Defense”. What Others Do And The Consequences They Face Drive Our Defenses.
3) And, Of Course, Work On Your Own Reality Until You’re Not Ashamed Of It Anymore. At That Point You’ll Welcome Others In Gladly.
4) When You Mess Up Your Chances With Women By Presenting To Women As Other Than A Real Man, You Mess Up All Of Our Chances With Women.
5) Avoid The Trap Of Seeking Compliant Women Vs. Willing Women. When You Want To Buy, There’s Not A Lot Of Sales Skill Needed.
6) Compliant Men Vs. Men Who Lead. Can You Wear The Pants Without Losing Your Shirt?
7) Immerse Yourself In Making All Of This Habit, And Enjoy The Results.
DISCUSSION: Your Questions?
Scot and Emily McKay are professional dating and relationship coaches, authors and podcast hosts. Together they founded X & Y Communications in San Antonio, TX, which focuses on equipping and empowering men and women who want to go from good to great in their relationships.
They reach over 300,000 people all over the world through their newsletters, podcasts and social media. They are the authors of ten books between them, including four Amazon #1 bestsellers, and have been featured by over 400 media outlets worldwide.
Both Scot and Emily are Traveler’s Century Club members, having explored well over 100 countries together, often with their four children. Their travel blog and podcast can be found at www.wingitworldwide.com.
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