Reader Questions And Comments
Profiles In
Obscurity
Quote:
“About him? He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my
favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards. He can flip pancakes in the air.
He'll be marvelously kind. His favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have
one green eye and one blue.”
Hey, did you notice on that last quote
she was actually quoting lines from a movie? I belive it was 'Practical
Magic.' I think I'll go do some spell check on my profile!! LOL
J—TN
OK, well that explains it. Nonetheless, I doubt many of us out there
get the reference from such a relatively obscure movie. Maybe we shouldn’t “bother”! LOL
Going To Cali
Scot,
How are you doing? Well i need a little advise
"go figure", Well i am expecting and having a little problem, my man
and i have been together for awhile and he is orginally from California and he
is wanting to move there so he can get a better job and we could be really
happy but i am a little scared to move because my family is here and my job is
here. He has been distant from me because he is not doing as well as he wants.
What should i do i am trying to be very suppotive but it kind of hard. I
love him and i would do anything but it is just so sudden for me to pick up and
move. Well i better be going. Talk to you soon
B—TX
Well,
logistically speaking, you have to consider that a "better job" in
most parts of CA brings with it an IMMENSE increase in living expenses.
People are LEAVING California in large numbers to come to places like
Texas (where you live) because the
opportunity for a better lifestyle is much greater here than there. So
i'm not sure the "better job" theory holds.
In
fact, caveat emptor, because many times a man’s true motive in seeking to move
away from his woman’s family base so that he can literally entrap her in an
abusive relationship in which she has nobody to turn to in a time of crisis. He is typically a lot more likely to get
away with bad behavior towards you if he has you far away from others who care
most about you. Yes—some IJs literally
premeditate this sort of thing. Oh by
the way, getting a woman pregnant ASAP in a relationship is often part of the
“master plan” here. So be careful.
If
this is legitimately all about him wanting to be where his family is,
though, he needs to remember that his future family is right in front of
him. When the baby is born, he is going to be hella glad that the support
system of your family is here for him--believe me.
Regardless,
I'd encourage waiting a while to move.
Good Advice
About Bad Advice
I caught myself on a couple of
those. # 4 “Stop trying so
hard. Love comes around when you least
expect it.” I used to say
that. BUT, you do have to work at it. Because like you said, about
education and educating your kids, you have to educate yourself on your partner
all the time. Times and people do change. So, if you don't either
change or adapt to your partner you are either left behind or looked over for
something or someone else. You get out what you put into the
relationship. If you want something you have to give
something. # 10 “Everyone makes a mistake…you have to let that
[major] one go.”....that is why I have been divorced
twice. I just would not let them treat me like that. I am no door
mat.
C--TX
As always, you
just gotta DESERVE what you WANT out of a relationship. Thanks for your letter…and “way to go” for
not accepting unacceptable behavior.
Keeping Guys Around Long Term…Myself Included
This was
awesome Scot. Is this what you wrote to get the gal you have now?
Awesome. Too bad people don't take this as an application (sort of) for
dating into reality.
Well, to answer
your question, having written that newsletter I do know exactly what it is that
keeps me around for a long time, and since that is what I am looking for out of
life I also know how to choose carefully and wisely! LOL
Baggage Check
Hey Scot,Well you hit on a touchy subject for me. As you know, I have 4 boys and I am recently divorced. I jumped into a relationship after separating from my ex. The funny thing about how it all came into play is that. This guy who I knew from the beginning had no intentions of sticking around became someone very important to me. He was the only person I gave myself completely to. His goal was to find someone that has not been married and had no kids. Knowing that, we remained exclusive for 10 months. I never pushed my kids on him and it seemed that he became okay with my baggage. On his own terms, he introduced himself to my kids. He made so many plans with them and was constantly around. What I am perplexed about is after he left me for someone with no kids and has never been married, he left me saying that nothing was wrong...that everything was perfect.What is a girl suppose to do with that. He is still so much a part of me that, I cry at times. I was left beleiving that I didn't do anything wrong, but if it was so perfect and nothing was wrong, then why was it hard for him to admit how he feels to himself. Till this day, I am still here for him. All he has to do is call. I still prepare his lunch, buy hime what he needs, etc...all with just a phone call.Am I crazy? Crazy to hang on to how I feel in my heart? Somehow, we are still connected and I can feel it deep inside of me. Am I doomed... Doomed to grow old alone because I told myself that I am not going to let go? Let me know J--CA
OK, three keys
here:
1) He told
you up front that he would not commit to you.
2) He has
a new girlfriend, yet he still "owns" you since you'll do things for
him.
3) You are
still committed to him, despite the reality that he never was.
No, there is
nothing wrong with you personally. There doesn't have to be in this
situation. He wants a woman with no kids who has never been married, and
that's his prerogative. Yet, you allowed yourself to get emotionally
attached to an extreme degree KNOWING there was no future. As women often
have to learn the hard way, men will typically NOT be changed by women, even
though they will happily keep a woman around who satisfies them at a certain
level until they find who it is they truly want. Happens all the
time. BTW, bear in mind that NOT ALL MEN feel the way he does regarding
your kids and your divorced status--far from it. Realize how much more quality you deserve than what you have been
getting, and go for it—elsewhere.
Jumping Into Conversation
hello Scott. How r u? Hope everything is going great
in TX! I was wondering if your newsletter, in the past, has addressed the issue
of social talking or small talk. I seem to be quite deficient in this area.
Strangers, men & women, will start a conversation with me, but I don't seem
to respond. I look at them blankly and smile. But thats it. I think I am afraid
or something. Or my mouth has glue that shuts it up on hearing a stranger's
voice. Have you come across such an issue before? Please share some of your
insight on this matter when u have time. Thank you and have a great day!
A--NY
Wow, great question. It's funny...a lot of
the guys out there who have programs designed to teach men how to pick up women
address this exact issue VERY often. It’s
important to realize that both men and women experience this sort of social
trepidation, even if men are generally considered to be the ones who “approach”
women. So first off, guys, here’s
evidence of the reality that plenty of women are just as shy about being
approached as you are about approaching them!
Keep that one in mind…
But back to the specific item at
hand. I think this is about figuring
out which of several issues may be causing the symptom of clamming up when
addressed by strangers.
The symptom could be due to a variety of
things. Is it really as simple as just
getting nervous? Do you have something
to say, or do you draw a blank? ...Or do you often just feel it's not the
place/time for conversations when such things happen?
Well, here's what I'd recommend. Think
about how typical situations go when this happens, and plan out a response for
each potential situation so you have it ready. My guess is that if you would
just start talking, you would continue. It's like jumping out of a plane. The greatest fear is experienced at the
moment before jumping.
I think that this exercise will pay big
dividends in all aspects of your life, and lead to a change in habits for you
socially. And I’d be ready to bet
you’ll find just about everyone is friendly in return. Even in New York City! Haha.
Be good,
Scot
Scot McKay is located in San Antonio, TX. He holds a B.A. in Christian Education.
X and Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in. It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing faith-based principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on. The stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.
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