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You have questions, we have answers. Below is everything you’ve ever wanted to know about X & Y Communications but were afraid to ask.


“Relationships are supposed to be immensely fulfilling, and dating should be an absolute blast. Yet so much ‘dating advice’ focuses on accepting rejection or wading through bad circumstances. It’s time for straight talk on how to end destructive dating patterns and experience the kind of joy we deserve.” — Scot McKay

So who are the real people behind X & Y Communications?

There’s a whole separate page that answers this question from a business perspective. But for starters, at the most basic level Emily and I (Scot McKay) are both normal people, at least relatively speaking. We live in San Antonio, TX having been married since December 9th, 2006. I drive a pickup truck and drink Guinness. Like me, Emily is a full-time dating and relationship coach. She also races BMX and sings karaoke with me whenever we get the chance. Both of us went through unfortunate divorces (for the exact same reason, no less) and are doing our best to be the greatest parents we can be. She has a son and I have a daughter from our respective previous marriages, and we now have a son and a daughter together, and often travel the world as a family. If you want to know more and see some pictures you can check out our Facebook page. If you do, be sure “like” it so we can give you a free gift.

What do you do, exactly?

Simply put, we are dedicated to helping you go from good to great in your relationships with MOTOS (members of the other sex). X & Y Communications has lots of dating resources such as e-books, podcasts and audio programs. We also specialize in online dating help and direct coaching. Seminars and other cool stuff are just around the corner. We’re also the ones behind, which is a killer new service designed to supercharge online dating success.

What is your main focus, if you had to boil it down?

Without question, X & Y’s core principle is that you have to deserve what you want out of a relationship in order to get it. “Waiting around for someone to come along” or any other passive strategy won’t cut it. Actively becoming the kind of partner who deserves a great mate is the only option. Any other frame of mind invariably leads to “settling” for much less than you’ll be happy with. And if you’ve “settled”, your mate will be disappointed also. We are all about helping as many people as possible find phenomenal partners and experience the amazing fulfillment that comes from it.

Is X & Y Communications for both men and women?

From the very first newsletter we have focused on themes that both men and women can appreciate. Maintaining integrity and a respect for the unique differences between men and women has allowed us to be able reach both genders equally well with most of what we do. While it’s absolutely true that I address a male audience specifically in certain appropriate instances, the concept of “deserving what one wants” is not gender-specific. After all, if only one gender’s dating skill is improving that’s going to make for an uneven ratio! With Emily now involved full time, there is a greater amount of information specifically for women being produced–including an advanced series called Click With Him.

How did you get started?

Since my divorce I have voraciously studied how men and women are wired and what attracts them to each other. I was determined never to feel like a “victim” again in future relationships, and to me this meant becoming the best man I could be for future women in my life. Soon I began seeing some terrific success in the dating world, and my friends started asking me how I was making it happen. Eventually, I was getting calls from women I knew asking me for a guy’s perspective on how to be more successful dating. When these calls started coming from women whom I had been out with but had chosen not to see again, I started thinking maybe I was on to something special. Finally, someone suggested I should just write a newsletter and send it to everyone at once. That’s how it all started, and things have literally blossomed beyond my wildest expectations since.

So where did the name “X & Y Communications” come from?

I spent over eleven years in the computer networking industry, and the name “X & Y Communications” was originally meant for an IT consulting firm. You know, connecting “point X” to “point Y”. As it turns out the chromosomal reference works well, especially considering that a major key to dating and relationships is more effective communication.

You’re different than the other “dating gurus” out there, huh? What’s up with that?

I’m glad you asked. That question is such a good one that there’s a whole separate page devoted to the subject.

Is “Scot McKay” your real name?

In retrospect I’ve thought about how it would have been cool to make up a “code name” like some of the other guys in this field. But hey, too late. Besides, I’m fortunate enough to have a name that works pretty well anyway. If you still think I’m using a pseudonym, consider this… If I was, why would I misspell it?

So are you some sort of “International Playboy” or world renowned “Pick Up Artist”? Can you teach me how to have sex with thousands of hot women?

I am neither a “playboy” nor a “PUA”…by choice. I am all about quality rather than quantity. Sure, I’ve been out with lots of very amazing women, but have never made a “sexual conquest” of it. I enjoy women and respect them. I am not going to make it my purpose to teach any guy how to bed thousands of women. That said, I can show you exactly how to attract women of the very highest echelon of overall sharpness and seduce them the way it’s meant to be. These are the very women who are the very best ones to build a long-term relationship with and who–ironically enough–are way, way too sharp to ever fall prey to the lifestyle of a man who is on a mission to have sex with as many women as possible. Think about it. Earning the affection of such a great woman sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? It is.

So am I going to learn any good pickup lines or “Jedi mind tricks” here?

If you do, it’s purely incidental to straight-talk about how to understand the opposite gender and how to become the kind of man or woman that opposite gender craves. It’s that pure and simple. As for blatant “trickery” or “mind games”, any such activity lacks integrity and will only net you the kind of partner(s) you therefore deserve. As such, you’ll find I have zero tolerance for that kind of “dark side” teaching.

Weren’t you single for a while? If so, what do you know about dating if it took you that long to get married?

This is kind of like asking what a psychiatrist knows about mental illness if he is still sane. To be honest, some people actually enjoy dating and aren’t necessarily seeing marriage as a goal. When one’s dating life is wildly successful, that is more than likely the case. Ironically, if dating = drudgery the chance of being successful is much less, and therefore things become even more tedious. We’re all about avoiding that. I enjoyed dating immensely for several years after my divorce, but actually got married back in 2006 to the most wonderful woman ever. I believe that’s the ultimate “proof of concept”.

Aren’t you married? If so, what do you know about dating if you aren’t going to be doing any of it anymore?

Oh boy… Between this question and the last one, it looks like it should logically be “every man for himself” out there, right? Well, clearly it doesn’t have to be. Both Emily and I had gone on a lot of dates with lots of sharp people before meeting each other, and both of us almost always got the second dates we wanted. This has all culminated in finding each other. We can’t help but feel we’ve learned a lot along the way, have a bright future together, and don’t plan on forgetting any of what has driven our success. Remember also that we’re immersed in the art and science of dating and relationships every day, so we continue to hone our skills and increase our knowledge. This means we have a real, live track record of being successful at what we’re about and empowering others to do the same. We’d love to help you be the next success story. (Oh, and for what it’s worth, if you think that sparking attraction and maintaining it are somehow no longer important after marriage, guess again!)

So other than that track record of yours, how else are you qualified to be doing this stuff?

Well my educational background is in education and psychology, with graduate work in counseling. Prior to a successful management career in the IT world I worked as a life coach to at-risk young adults. So in many ways, X & Y Communications represents a return to what I should have been doing all along. Do you know what, though? I genuinely believe that when it comes to dating success my research and field testing of real-world principles–and yes, my real-world track record–far outweigh the number of certificates I have on the wall. But either way, I’ve got you covered. Fair enough?

Scot and Emily, are you really as happy as you look? You two look way too cute together. Is this an act?

I can assure you our relationship is 100% genuine, down to the marriage certificate. We are approached in public by total strangers quite a bit, who openly express how much we inspire them since we still act like newlyweds. Sometimes other couples even hit on us. We have something magical together because we deserve what we want, and we both went and got it. We’re living proof that this is all possible and would love to be a part of helping you do the same. By the way, Amy Waterman of 000Relationships once referred to us as the “Perfect Couple”. …Well, “Perfectly Imperfect”, maybe.

It seems like there are a lot of guys on the Web with elaborate videos and “sales pages” pitching various dating books and programs. They all talk a good game, but when I actually spend my $97 it seems like the cheesy video itself contained more content and was of higher production quality than the actual program! You two offer some fascinating and useful info in your newsletters and podcasts, but how do I know that your books, Power Sessions and especially your advanced programs really do take it to the next level?

Let me tell you, there’s a big difference between being passionate about Internet marketing and being passionate about equipping real people for real success in arguably the most crucial area of life–dating and relationships. Emily and I do what we do because we’ve found great happiness along the road to meeting each other and firmly believe in our message. Having made the decision to pursue this passion full time, I have compiled enough life wisdom in nearly fifty years to realize that our success–and YOURS–is squarely dependent upon delivering the highest quality groundbreaking content coupled with a relentless commitment to customer service.

So you can bet that our books and programs truly are where our best material is featured, culminating in the brand-new Big 4 Man Challenge package. If our extensive collection of partnerships and testimonials isn’t convincing enough for you, our unconditional 365-day return policy serves as our ironclad way of truly putting our livelihood where our mouth is.

Do you still offer one-on-one coaching?

Absolutely. I can’t imagine being a true dating coach without doing so. Space is very limited, however, since Ten-Plus™ is a comprehensive road map to success and I deliver more than I promise to each and every person whom I am hired to work for. I have successfully helped men and women achieve greater success starting from various stages of expertise, and am the only man you’ll meet in this space who will guarantee his work 100%. To date I have yet to ever issue a refund for quality control reasons. In fact, I’ve actually received surprise extra payments from people whose results wildly exceeded expectation in far less time than ever dreamed possible. These days, a good percentage of my new coaching contacts are direct referrals from satisfied customers, which is a clear vote of confidence.

So when are the live seminars going to happen, already?

We are getting bombarded with that question more and more every day, it seems. Live seminars in major metro areas are in the works, for sure. We are going to make sure they are done with a mind blowing degree of competence and added value. I’m hard at work securing the right partnerships necessary to bring that to fruition. Be on the lookout also for a special new direct coaching program that will be more accessible to a wider number of people.

OK, that settles it! I’m ready to get my dating life handled and start enjoying it for a change. How can I reach you two? Can I call you? It seems most of the “dating gurus” out there are unapproachable. They don’t actually answer their phones or their emails.

I know, right? How can someone be a “dating coach” if they’re unreachable? There’s no such issue here and there’s certainly no “ivory tower”. In fact, we love hearing from you. Call me personally at (210) 260-6400 and don’t be surprised if I answer the phone. You can Skype me for free at “scotmckay”. My email address is I answer as many messages as I can…well, unless you ask for sex videos or naked pictures of Emily like has happened a handful of times.


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Scot and Emily McKay

Scot and Emily McKay are professional dating and relationship coaches, authors and podcast hosts. Together they founded X & Y Communications in San Antonio, TX, which focuses on equipping and empowering men and women who want to go from good to great in their relationships.

They reach over 300,000 people all over the world through their newsletters, podcasts and social media. They are the authors of ten books between them, including four Amazon #1 bestsellers, and have been featured by over 400 media outlets worldwide.

Both Scot and Emily are Traveler’s Century Club members, having explored well over 100 countries together, often with their four children. Their travel blog and podcast can be found at